I sat down today with Fernando. He's a fantastically handsome African-Mexican American. He likes to say he's, "blacksican." Fernando is a world class caretaker for the elderly who is also a rockstar on the dance floor. Fernando's interview will be the first in a series of "single spotlights" where I will get to know different men and women through light conversation about love.
Fernando, tell me about yourself.
I’m in my early 30’s, I live in Richmond CA and I work as a caregiver for a lovely lady who will remain nameless.
Why did you choose caregiving as a career?
I'm a giving person. I love to be around people and give love. I met with my current client and we had an instant connection. I knew this was something I wanted to do.
Have you ever been in love?
Yes- two times. First, when I was 21 years old. I was a very shy kid so flirting with women was not the easiest thing. We met on the dance floor. I was socially awkward at that age, but dancing was my connector. We stayed together after that night for a year. She was my first everything. I fell head over heels for her. It ended in heartache. Since she was my first, I clung onto our relationship—which I believe ultimately pushed her away. But I think you must have a positive attitude, keep it moving and then you find love elsewhere—which I did.
Are you currently dating?
Honestly? I think to protect myself from the heartache that I've experienced in the past. I tend to back off when a movement is made to become emotionally closer. Even if she’s perfect, I tend to find some tiny thing to end the relationship over.
What are some of the greatest challenges you’ve faced dating?
Finding someone who’s really honest about themselves and knows who they are. Especially at this age--mid 20's- 30's.
Do you have any dating horror stories?
Yes, there was one girl I dated for about 6 months. I woke up one afternoon after a long day of school. She was in the living room talking on the phone and didn't realize I was up. I walked in when she was saying, “something something something...you melt in my mouth not in my hand.” I was definitely thrown off by that because it was clearly a very sexual and private conversation. I cut ties immediately.
How do you feel about one night stands?
It’s possible If the chemistry is right and you’re feeling that individual. If there is a spark that you can’t deny.
How do you feel about marriage?
Marriage. Wow. Are you sure you want to talk about that? I think the concept of marriage is a little outdated. It originally started as a business transaction between families. After the 1970’s it became more about love...what marriage is shifts with cultural change. If it’s the right gal, I’ll do it. But I feel no pressure to get married.
Have you ever been on a blind date?
No, and would I ever want to—no. But I’m a nice guy so even if I’m not entirely attracted, I would make it a fun date.
If you could tell all the women in the world anything—what would it be?
Ahh, wow. That’s an on the spot question. I'm going to change the direction of the question to: What would I tell a woman I care for about men? Don’t force a man to marry. If it’s not truly in their heart to extend that love, they probably won’t be there in the long run. Try to find someone on the same page and on the same path. When you don't share the path that's usually what separates people eventually. Foundation is important in a relationship- but it’s not everything. It’s like a house. The foundation is essential, but the floors, cabinets, and side paneling are too. Those extra little things are somewhat superficial, but it's like sharing a love of the same books, or enjoying night runs together. Foundation + the rest.
How do you feel about online dating?
Oh yeah, that’s where it’s all going. You have to look outside the bar across the street or local church. If people are honest, online dating is great. But a lot of people lie. Everything in dating is a play--extensions, makeup...people display the best on the screen. I prefer a woman with a good heart over anything else. People who reject online dating entirely, might be missing out. Try it the old fashioned way, and if that works—great! But why limit yourself?
Describe your ideal match?
My ideal match-ok. Physically--5’2 to 5’4, beautiful caramel type skin. I love that exotic look. She has to be driven in her career in life and value family. She has to love exercise and taking care of herself. Maybe she doesn't necessarily know exactly what she wants in life, but she's willing to look around and figure it out. Someone who is willing to compromise. Working together is the cornerstone of every relationship. It’s all about the give and take. An ass--I like a nice ass. An african woman with beautiful curly hair, or a Swedish woman with long light hair...honestly a woman that’s confident in herself is truly what I'm attracted to.
Do you have personal motto?
Love any, love all, because that’s true happiness.
Any final words?
This interview was awesome, and I don’t normally talk to others about my stuff like this.
Fernando, The pleasure was all mine--truly.
Check back in next week for the second episode of Single Spotlight.
Love wisely, friends.
Art by Jasper James