The art of writing a dating profile is a mystery to many. It's not easy to express who you are through a collection of words (200 characters or less). Tawkify Marketing VP discusses this concept in The Antidote to Online Dating. She asserts, "No photo or profile can capture the essence of one human, or convey what makes them uniquely attractive to another human."
While this may be true, profiles are a necesary evil. Even with Tawkify, we need a basic profile as a jumping off point.
A reader recently asked for guidance on how to write a great Tawkify profile. Who better to pose this question to but our Matchmakers -- who read a myriad of profiles daily, their clients' as well as potential matches for their clients'.
Matchmaker Gaby Aratow kicks off the discussion:
Details and specificity go far! Ask yourself -- "Could anyone have said this or is it just me?"
In other words, rather than "I'm generous" say "When my neighbor gets sick I get her medication."
Show over tell, details to color the scene. That's good writing!
Matchmaker Caylin White says:
#1 Be yourself - no fluffing, trying to be FB fake
#2 Highlight your qualities without boasting
#3 Share your weaknesses without putting yourself down
#4 Be specific about what you want
#5 Employ creative wording - be unique!
Matchmaker Kimia Mansoor agrees with Gaby that examples are vital:
Give examples! When trying to get values down on paper, people often miss that these same values differ in meaning from person to person. For example "I'm looking for someone happy" versus "I'm looking for someone who is optimistic, proud of themselves, and walks through life with a smile on their face." Do your best to explain and go into detail so the meaning behind your words shine through!
Matchmaker Corinne Dobbas expresses the importance of must-haves:
Spend some time on your own brainstorming. What does a perfect match look like to you -- and not just on the outside. Once you're clear, go down that list and pull out the things that are absolute "must-haves."
"This list of "musts" will help you and your matchmaker determine the qualities you're really looking for."
Keep in mind, the more open you are in the dating process, the more options and open-energy you will have in meeting your person. It always boils down to being clear on who and what you want, but then also being open to new possibilities. Steer clear of the mile long check-list. Human beings, especially in love, shouldn't follow a cookie-cutter list.
Matchmaker Jane Stetz offers up a tip from Mad Men:
Whenever I help someone write a profile I always send them this scene from Mad Men. Writing a profile is a lot like writing an ad for a roommate, and ultimately a lifelong roommate is really what you're looking for, no?" Have fun with it, be honest, be a little flirty, and do it while having a glass of wine."
Matchmaker Liana Afuni "makes a funny":
No funny person lists "funny" under best traits.
Matchmaker Alene Boon offers a varying perspective, as a Tawkify profile differs from most:
Hm, I don't agree with Liana about the funny thing. I might agree if we were talking about a normal dating profile, but we are not.
"It's important to remember that a Tawkify profile is for matchmakers' eyes only! The normal rules of dating profiles do not apply."
No need to showcase your humor to impress a mate -- the matchmaker will get a sense for your particular brand of humor during your interview. I think the most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Writing a Tawkify profile is a great opportunity to take stock of your priorities. What really matters to you? What can you not live without? What are your preferences?
"Don't be shy about "shallow" preferences -- everyone's got them, and matchmakers have seen it all."
Better to be upfront about your aversion to baldness than to be set up with a baldie and break his heart.
Matchmaker Carena Liptak weighs in:
I agree with Boon in that from a matchmaker's perspective, I need to know as much information about you as possible:
"So a great Tawkify profile is detailed, candid, and addresses any deal breakers that might be answered with a simple yes or no question during an interview."
Think of matchmakers like doctors--we're not going to judge you or giggle at your preferences, we just need to know so we don't set you up with someone who you won't like.
However, in terms of advice that applies to both Tawkify and non-Tawkify profiles I see what Liana's saying--it's great if someone thinks being funny is an important part of their personality, but that tells me nothing about them! There are so many different kinds of funny! Instead, say "I'm not afraid to go to midnight Rocky Horror showings and do the dorky Time Warp dance, and I can quote every line from The Big Lebowski." That is so much more informative, and anything you can say that teaches me more about the specifics of your personality is helpful in terms of whether or not it makes sense to call you for a screening.
Most importantly, don't try to tone yourself down or pretend to be into something you're not to appeal to all potential matches. You might get more first dates that way, but you'll wind up wasting your own time.
Matchmaker Melody Kiersz concludes:
I second what Carena and Boon said.
I will add though, that as much as I want details (everyone wants someone smart, funny, kind, attractive -- but what does that actually mean for that person in particular?). I also don't want to be reading a whole treaty. I want enough to give me a sense of who they are, so that I can decide to screen them or not.
So I think it's important to be clear on what preferences are, and what MUST-HAVES are, and what are ABSOLUTE deal breakers.
"And what's different from a matchmaker profile is that it's confidential, so the more honest, the better.
They have to keep in mind that the aim is to inform us not impress us.
Your Tawkify Matchmakers