What I learned about dating from being a matchmaker and how it can help the average dater...
One day, after venting frustrations I’d encountered while finding matches for clients, my matchmaking mentor, Tawkify Director of Operations Julia Armet, said to me: “As matchmakers, we take on the pain points of dating for our clients.”
This stopped me in my tracks and immediately initiated some deeper self-reflection. All the “pain points of dating” suddenly flashed before my eyes, and then faded into the background as my desire to be a great matchmaker struggled into focus. It was like the moment you adjust the zoom lens on a DSLR camera -- my desire to be a good matchmaker suddenly came into sharp focus as all those pain points blurred into subtle background shapes. I realized that I do what I do because helping people find love is important to me. I want to make this crazy game of dating easier so that I can help people achieve the ultimate end goal of the game -- that deep love, acceptance, and partnership that we all seek.
The pain points are so real that sometimes it’s hard to remember that goal.
Close your eyes for a second and recall all the no-shows, the flakiness, the miscommunications around timing and scheduling, the three-day (or longer) text response gaps, the ghosting, the “unmatching,” the misdirected angry responses, you name it. It is not child's play out there. Which brings me to another lesson Jules taught me about matchmaking: When it comes to the job, it's not productive to let stress persevere. I'm a problem solver. It's my job to stay calm and execute the most logical resolution; look at each new situation as an exciting challenge, rather than a botched attempt.
Tackling the challenges of dating from the perspective of “this is my job” has been vitally helpful. It has provided insight into the inner-workings of the dating process that would likely not have been possible otherwise. I would like to share these insights with you. Hence the creation of the newly hatched weekly column, Secrets of A Matchmaker.
I recognize that most of you would rather dating (online and otherwise) NOT feel like a job. I hope that my learnings can help streamline and optimize the process for you. Through continued discussion with Jules and other successful Tawkify matchmakers, as well as my own professional evolution...
...I’ve found ways to construct a dating process that is more efficient, optimal, bearable, humane, effective, growth-oriented, and FUN.
The modern world is laden with so much interference -- which is why I'd like to share my privy tricks-of-the-trade with you.
I’ll be releasing secrets each week that I invite you to ponder, question, try on, and assimilate in your own way. I welcome all feedback from daters out there, as well as other matchmakers -- so that I too can ponder, question, try on, and assimilate your experiences and potentially improve my approach. After all, responsiveness and adopting a growth-oriented mindset is what modern dating is all about (in my opinion).
At the end of the day, we can’t control when we’ll meet our life's companion, how they'll act, or who they'll be -- but we can change how we show up and how we feel about ourselves along the way.
See you next week on Secrets Of A Matchmaker: Secret #1.
Therapist + Dating Coach + Matchmaker