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  Art by  Joe Webb

Art by Joe Webb

Secrets Of A Matchmaker: Secret #1

December 8, 2016
Lauren Korshak launched her series, Secrets of a Matchmaker, last week. If you missed it, catch the introduction, here. 

Secret #1: The Power of Trust Building

Matchmaking cannot be approached like most other professions. I am dealing directly with people’s emotional lives -- offering tender hearts up to another human being for evaluation. This undertaking is intimate, and can inherently cause some amount of discomfort, if not pain. People’s emotions and hearts do not respond well to the same direct energetic approach that is required when doing other job tasks. Things like fixing a door, constructing a building, engineering a new app, or balancing a bank sheet require direct focus and evaluation; but in these tasks people are not exposing their hearts to the greatest risk there is -- the risk of rejection, the feeling of being unwanted. In walking this fine line of having to execute a job, but also holding peoples' hearts with kind gloves -- I recognized the importance of trust in the relationship between myself and my client, and how this same trust can be built and developed directly between individuals who are out there dating.

When we feel safe and trusting in a relationship, we can show up as our best selves (and also sometimes our worst selves, but let’s focus on the former). In matchmaking, if clients' don’t trust you, they may not even go on a date you've planned. Even if a distrusting client goes on a date, less fun will be had, as that client lacks faith in your ability to truly understand them. This is a lousy situation for both parties. If there is shared trust, a client goes into the date with a confident, positive outlook. This is the goal. If my clients' trust me, they know I will be there after every date, ready to support and readjust if needed. 

In dating (and perhaps in all aspects of life), we often like the people most, who we also feel we can trust. Some posses a natural ability to cultivate trust -- and the trust factor is attractive. Not just in dating, but also in friendships and in business. So how can we apply this paragon to our dating lives?

I suggest that daters put themselves in the trust builder’s seat.
 

Think of yourself as a person who can build trust, recognize the importance of trust in a relationship, and work to build a foundation of trust with the person you are dating -- instead of perseverating on whether you can trust them. 

Ask yourself: what can I do to nurture trust in this relationship? Master this and you will attract good things (and good people) -- and not just attract, but also foster more pleasing and positive interactions for both parties. 

See you next week on Secrets Of A Matchmaker: Secret #2.

Lauren Korshak
Therapist + Dating Coach + Matchmaker

In Advice, Date Coach, Dating Tips, Love, Matchmaker, Relationships Tags Secrets Of A Matchmaker, Lauren Korshak
← At The Intersection of Dating & Relative ValueSecrets Of A Matchmaker: Introduction →
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When your matchmaker photobombs your engagement shoot! 
We had a blast surprising Tawkify couple Dana and Alex in Colorado. A big thanks to their matchmaker, Gaby Aratow, who kept mum to preserve the secret. We got em'! #tawkify #heartalytics #cureforthecommondate #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #matchmaker #matchmaking #singles #single #datingservice #engagementphotos
👉🏽 Don’t miss the #stopmotionanimation 👉🏽 Today we’re thankful for Dana and Alex, recently engaged Tawkify couple, who we spent the day with last month in Lafayette Colorado. Their full engagement photo gallery was just released, thank you @coletterobinson and @jesseperi! Kudos to Matchmaker Gaby Aratow for making yet another match that led straight down the aisle. Match made!

#tawkify #heartalytics #cureforthecommondate #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #matchmaker #matchmaking #singles #single #datingservice #engagementphotos
Get to know Tawkify matchable member, Sam Hai, on the debut episode of Single Spotlight at www.heartalytics.com! Are you a match for Sam? #austintx #austinsingles #cureforthecommondate #tawkify #matchmaker #datingservice
Tawkify engagement photoshoot sneak peek - Congrats to our client, Dana, and her fiancé, Alex, Tawkify matchable member! 
Hats off to @coletterobinson for her beautiful photography! 
#cureforthecommondate #matchmaker #datingservice #tawkify
Single mom, Dana, lost her husband a decade ago. She was paired with Matchmaker Gaby and they embarked on a search that led to Alex, Dana’s fiancé! We had a blast with this couple at their engagement shoot 2 weeks ago, and are so excited for the big day, 6.30.2018. Thank you to Alex and Dana for sharing their Tawkify story, we love you! #cureforthecommondate #tawkify #matchmaker #datingservice #matchmaking
According to matchmakers, there are ways you can stay positive when single, and dating is making you all sorts of frustrated. "The pressures of dating stem from the need to uphold a dating mask," Julia Armet, Director of Operations at matchmaking service, Tawkify, tells Bustle. "We all fall into the game of dress-up, with social masks being one of the greatest blocks to establishing true intimacy." if you really want to stay empowered when you're looking for love, Armet says, stop dating and start connecting. "Human-to-human vulnerability is the natural consequence of two people allowing their inner selves to shine," she says.

So here are the best ways to stay empowered when dating is bringing you down, according to matchmakers... Read: How To Stay Positive While Dating, According To Matchmakers on Bustle.com!

#yougotthis #tawkify #heartalytics #cureforthecommondate #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #matchmaker #matchmaking #singles #single #datingservice #staystrong #staywoke
"Authentic intimacy occurs in the realness of the ecosystem between two people now, not in the promise of a dynamic that may or may not ever come to fruition." Cora Boyd, Tawkify Matchmaker & Heartalytics columnist. Want more? Read: At The Intersection of Dating & Relative Value at www.heartalytics.com

#tawkify #heartalytics #cureforthecommondate #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #matchmaker #matchmaking #singles #single #datingservice
Flashback to our photoshoot with former clients, Amy and Douglas, in Houston. Both single parents of young daughters, this couple had incredible energy, love and joy to share. We love you Amy and Douglas!

#tawkify #heartalytics #cureforthecommondate #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #matchmaker #matchmaking #singles #single #datingservice
"Having everything in common is too much of a good thing," Kimia Mansoor, Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify tells Bustle. "Many people think that having shared interests means you've found your soulmate. Some dating apps even use mutually liked pages as a way of connecting people. When you have everything in common with your partner, you’ll find yourself without any time apart and without anything to contribute to one another's lives. A balance of common and separate interests is ideal, as having some separateness from your partner is essential to building a long-lasting bond." It's all about balance.

#tawkify #heartalytics #cureforthecommondate #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #matchmaker #matchmaking #singles #single #datingservice #relationshipgoals #relationshipproblems

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