Cue the guitar riff from Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”…
No, I wasn’t about to perform in a rap battle. I was actually getting ready for a behavioral interview - a situation just as stressful as when “Rabbit” chokes on stage in the movie, 8 Mile.
As I began to tell the interviewer about myself I “snapped back to reality” and followed The STAR Method - the format that always saved me when a potential employer asked me to describe how I overcame a professional challenge.
Although well known to interviewers, as a matchmaker, I encourage my clients to repurpose this technique as an outline for date-night storytelling.
When practiced (yes, practiced), and executed correctly, storytelling can be intoxicating, flirtatious, and fun.
A study in the journal, Personal Relationships, shows that a man’s “ability to tell a compelling story can also make him a more attractive partner” because women associate intimacy and the possibility for long-term commitment with communication style. On the other hand, a woman’s positive response to these stories promotes a man’s desire to be vulnerable with her again in the future.
Elizabeth Bernstein takes this idea a step further in her Wall Street Journal article, Why Good Storytellers Are Happier in Life and in Love. She explains that an engaging narrative helps couples to remember why they’re attracted to each other in the first place.
Bernstein asserts that the best stories are deftly woven into conversation and effectively bond people over a shared history.
So the next time you really want to connect with your date, try the STAR Method. Here’s how to put it into practice.
Situation: First, contextualize the story by creating a framework around the event – In what phase of life were you? Where does this story take place? Who are the key players?
Task: Next, describe your role or task in the story. This is a critical part of revealing who you are to your date. Were you the peacemaker or the villain? Were you the protagonist or the antagonist? Were you a silent bystander or the initiator?
Action: Then, narrate what actually happened and remember to be specific. Details give insight into your values and priorities. How did you feel leading up to and during the actual event? What exactly did you do during the event?
Result: Finally, reveal the outcome or resolution. What lessons did you learn? What did you take away from the experience? How is this applicable to your date? How is this story relevant to the conversation?
Remember, date conversation is tennis, not squash. Try The STAR Method and start rallying stories for love.
Amaris is the author of the Work-Love Balance series on Heartalytics. She is also a Licensed Real Estate Salesperson at The Corcoran Group and a Matchmaker at Tawkify. As the Real Estate Matchmaker, she’s never opposed to people sliding in her DMs, but you can also contact her via email at Amaris@amariscrawford.com.