Last week, I advocated for the power of self-love. In short, learning to love yourself first will help you find love in all of the [other] right places – romantically and professionally. You can read more on this, here.
This week, I’m back to present 3 strategies to foster the kind of self-love that changes lives – and it all begins with self-talk.
#1: Monitor Your Self-Talk
Yep, self-talk. We’ve all heard it before, but what is it really and what’s the big hubbub anyway? Self-talk is the subtle running commentary we all have going on in our heads that isn’t likely to be voiced out loud. What you say in your mind, is simply illustrating a future story…a future experience that you will (or won’t) have. That inner voice plays a huge role in determining how you feel about yourself, how you engage in romantic relationships, and how you interact with the world around you.
When it comes to your relationships and other areas of life, it’s important to monitor internal dialogue. There are several ways to do that:
- Throughout the day, be proactive and take note of the conversations you’re having with yourself about romance, your career, your family, etc. and the resulting emotions and experiences that surround those topics.
- Question your self-talk. Ask if there is a more positive perspective you can have about a given topic. Reflect on whether you have evidence to validate your thoughts. Or ask yourself what you would tell a friend or family member in a similar situation.
- Practice makes proficient, not perfect. You can have better experiences in your relationships and other areas of your life when you start practicing the language that corresponds to what you truly want. Try avoiding finite, negative comments such as “I’ll never find a good man/woman” or “Every boss I have is a horrible leader.” Practice ways to put a positive spin on tough situations.
Once you begin to recognize the correlation between your inner thoughts, emotions and outer experiences, you can start to rewrite your story.
You can begin to live your life by design and not default.
Read on for the next step you must take to not only boost your clarity and confidence, but also to begin attracting the people, opportunities and experiences that are truly fulfilling to you.
#2: Complete A Self-Inventory
Self-Inventory is an opportunity to invest-in and truly explore one’s self – from the core values you’ve maintained since childhood to the new ones you’ve adopted along the way. From your personal beliefs to the deepest, unspoken desires of your heart. Yes, go there. This is simply a reflective process designed to help you uncover what your priorities are in life – from the people you spend time with or ignore, to the energy you put into perfecting your craft and building new knowledge for your career, to the time you put into your physical or spiritual well-being.
Once you become clear on what currently makes up your world – who and what influences your thoughts, emotions and experiences, you can define and live by your own new set of core values. At this point, regardless of the messages you see in the media or pressure from family and friends about what you should be doing romantically or professionally, you are grounded in knowing what’s truly meant for you. You can and will begin to experience an authentic life.
Your present thoughts and actions are an illustration of your future story. Until you find clarity on what makes you fulfilled, you won’t be able to attract the people, opportunities and experiences that are truly gratifying for YOU! So take the time to find that clarity and make life happen on your own terms. Step #3 will tell you how to do it.
#3: Recognize We’re All Self-Made
“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you are right.” Henry Ford
This quote sums things up nicely. Ultimately, if you think you’re deserving of a good relationship, that new job, that house on the hill and the shiny new sports car, you will employ these thought processes to make it happen. Your perception of who you are and what you deserve ultimately becomes your reality -- and if you get what you think about, why not focus on what you truly want?!
This requires time and lots of practice, but man, the return on the investment is beyond what you can even fathom. Once you recognize the power of your thoughts and how they have not only made you the man/woman you are today but have also drawn to you the people, opportunities and experiences you consistently have in your life, you can do so much more to redirect the future. We are all self-made, it’s just that those who are happily in love, and relishing life the way they want are the only ones willing to admit it.
Regardless of the time of year, your family’s expectations or what TV and social media ads propagate, take ownership your life. Make YOU your priority and do the inner work FIRST! That’s it…that’s my advice to find love and happiness in all the right places. Take from it what you will. Best wishes to you in love and in life this Valentine’s Day – and beyond.
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Matchmaker + Executive Coach
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