Have you ever wondered why you seem to attract romantic partners who possess similar characteristics? If so, have you noticed that relationships with these doppelgängers tend to eventually fail? Is it random luck of the draw, are you doomed to have so-so relationships forever?
To better understand this dating dilemma, let's look to psychology and human behavior. It all actually starts when we’re born! That’s right…infants and children form unique bonds with their primary caregiver that effects how they will interact with the world. In short, we attach to our romantic mates with the same attachment style that was developed during infancy.
When you understand your attachment pattern, you can begin to uncover how it effects your interactions; not only with those you date, but through other relationship forms as well.
- ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
- AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
- SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are warm and loving in response to (and in the cultivation of) closeness.
Check out Attached written by Amir Levine to learn more about these bonding types. The breakdown of each attachment type (and the case studies Levine shares) provide an in-depth road map to achieve more fulfilling love. Also worth noting is that everyone can likely relate to certain aspects of each attachment style. This is normal, but there is one that we operate out of most, which is our default attachment style.
Take the time to familiarize yourself with the various attachment types to achieve greater self-awareness and ultimately healthier relationships in the future. When you learn to identify your own attachment type and also recognize the styles of others, you will develop the ability to locate more compatible partners and improve existing relationships.
Matchmaker + Executive Coach
"It's like this, you can say you want love until you are blue in the face but if your mind doesn't believe it, don't waste your time dating. Step back, dig deep and figure out what you "truly" believe about love. What does true love feel like to you? Does the thought of being in love make you happy, sad, resentful, hopeful? Pay attention to the way your heart responds to those questions. Believe in love. You are worthy" - Kristi Shanks
For more mindset, wardrobe and conversation tips to ace your first date, register for the FREE webinar I'm hosing with Kristi Shanks and Nicole Morris, this Monday, June 5th at 11am PST/2pm EST!
Registration is open to the first 100 ladies. Sign up here (and spread the word)!