Volume XII of the Dating Instruction Roundup is here! Look to these snapshots for quick, no nonsense tips that get right to the heart of the matter...a dating instruction roundup, if you will.
This month we're diving deep into the physical. Is attraction skin-deep?
Last August, a reader wrote in with a simple (but relatable) inquiry. John asked: "Am I just too ugly to get a date?" While brief, I think we can all relate to John's self-doubt and frustration on some level -- or at some point in our lives (awkward pre-teen years anybody?).
As matchmakers, this is something we are challenged with every day -- supporting our clients in moments of insecurity, understanding chemistry and how it can operate beyond skin level. In Why Focus On The Physical Part I and Part II we do a deep dive on this topic, but today we're highlighting the best sound-bytes from those articles. That's what the Dating Instruction Roundup is all about after all!
Try to keep this in mind...
"More importantly, I think that no matter what we look like, how we feel about ourselves is much more important."
- Matchmaker Melody Kirsch
"You will take yourself with you no matter where you go, and no matter how you alter your appearance. There is someone out there for everyone, and the only thing that keeps us separate from that is cynicism. Make sure you play with self expression and your image from a place of abundance and positivity. Chin up!!"
- Matchmaker Emily Tepper
"A guy not being Brad Pitt is never a lady-boner killer, but a guy who constantly brings up the fact that he's not Brad Pitt always is."
- Matchmaker Carena Liptak
"There is someone out there for you. There's someone out there for everyone. The first step; however, is believing it."
- Matchmaker Corinne Dobbas
"Ugly is a mindset in my opinion... a mindset that can only be broken down by the owner."
- Matchmaker Vara Pikor
"Knowing one's strengths and weaknesses (and radically accepting them, as opposed to masking them) should be a prerequisite to dating."
- Matchmaker Sabrina Yudelson
"Perception of attractiveness can be so fluid sometimes."
- Matchmaker Giselle Teston
I think about this all the time because we're in such a visual industry (although we do offer blind dates)... I'm a bit more practical and my thoughts follow suit. Best way to approach this -- one needs to:
- Understand what he/she brings to the table (be brutally honest about the physical, financial, personal, etc...)
- Evaluate the type of partner he/she wants and compare that to what he/she attracts (there's a reason he's not getting the 5'10 blonde model).
- Make personal changes and/or modify his/her wants (becoming a better version of oneself is not a compromise of character - go to the gym, dye those grays, go to therapy, etc...)
- Finally manage his/her expectations (because the formula does not guarantee success).
- Matchmaker Amaris Kay
"Some friendships stay friendships, while some friendships evolve into romantic relationships. I believe it's important to go into any date with an open mind. When you have a picture in your head of what the person you should be dating looks like, you're already closing yourself off to people who are a good match for you in so many other ways."
- Matchmaker Mackenzie Lane
In closing, “Do your thing and don't care if they like it.” -- Tiny Fey, Bossypants