Sometimes chemistry is immediate. It overpowers you and leaves you jittering with excitement. Other times, first date chemistry is more of a slow build which doesn’t necessarily mean it wasn’t there. It’s just more… tame. You enjoyed yourself, but don’t feel as though you might soar over the moon. Does this mean a second date isn’t in order?
If the “to second date or not to second date” enigma has you flummoxed, Matchmakers Sophy Singer and Jazzy Blossom have you covered!
Tawkify Matchmaker Sophy Singer says:
I love questions like this, because the way I see it, the answer is so simple. If your goal is to find a long-term relationship, you should ALWAYS go on the second date.
That is, unless any of the following happened on the first one:
- From the moment you got there, you were scrolling through your mental rolodex of date-ending excuses, to get out of there ASAP. This is a clear sign there were "no lights at the end of the tunnel," so to speak.
- The thought of this person touching you (or even worse - kissing you), made you cringe.
- Your date was rude and/or inconsiderate to bartenders, wait-staff, anyone else around you (and/or you!).
- Your date openly told you that he/she feels that you are not a good match for him/her.
Essentially, what I'm saying here is that unless it was a total disaster, you should always go on date #2, should the opportunity be presented to you. If you both hit it off, then obviously, this isn't even a question you're asking yourself. But, if you're on the fence or just unsure on how you feel about the person, that is because you don't know him/her yet.
"On the fence" means there is some possibility of attraction and compatibility -- you just haven't figured it out yet. That's completely normal. It takes more than a couple hours to get to know someone!
A connection between two strangers is rare...
and forming a genuine connection typically only happens after it's been given a chance to emerge. Give love a chance! Go on a second date!
Tawkify Matchmaker Jazzy Blossom says:
First dates are many people's idea of The Worst. Bound by irregular silences, choppy conversation, navigating who is going to pay the bill, or being stuck across the table from a non-stop personal account of their awesome ego -- they're typically a pretty awkward affair.
Unlike second or third dates, first dates are in many ways a trial interview for chemistry. They are imperfect, and beautifully so. People are nervous, talk too much or too little, they are over and/or under dressed, have jitters and spill things, or puff up and are obnoxiously confident. Simply put, they are not the full picture of any two people's potential because...
...the desire to impress can make us just a touch out of balance.
So, how do you decide if you should overlook the mishaps and give it a second shot? One of the clearest signs that yes you should try another round is in the wondering if you should in the first place! Likewise, noticing yourself feeling something sweet towards them, or better yet, you have lingering butterflies, are sure fire signs to take a chance on a second date.
Still on the fence? Ask yourself; did they make me smile or laugh? Feel good about myself? Ask me questions that made me think or feel curious? Did I want to ask them more questions, or know more about XY, and Z? If you responded "yes" to any of the above then in the good words of Mrs. Potts, "there may be something there that wasn't there before."
So go ahead with round two…you'll never know if you don't try!