Okay, so it's been a while since my last article. I apologize for that, and I will certainly try to write more regularly. I appreciate all of the fabulous comments that you, my dear readers, have been leaving for me. It makes a gal feel good!
Your consistent feedback has signaled to me that you want more Guy Tawk…see what I did there? I read your signals, and responded. Granted, you may have had to hit me over the head with it, but I got the message!
One of the major issues I have noticed through work with clients centers around reading signals. Whether male or female, some folks don’t know what steps they are supposed to take before, during and after a first date. Today, I'll be breaking it down for you, guys. Let’s clear the airway, get your signals across crystal clear, and help riddle out what your date is trying to tell you.
BEFORE THE DATE
Signal 1: If you are a Tawkify client you likely know that before a Tawkify date you have no pre-interaction with your match. You don’t know what they look like outside of the 'picture' your matchmaker may have painted for you. This approach clears the clutter and frees you up to focus on YOU (and that's when the magic happens!).
You get to just show up and have fun. So dress to impress, guys. Ditch the ripped jeans, faded Ts and baseball caps. The way you dress communicates how you feel about yourself. So when you dress well, you've sent a positive signal about your self-care and care for others.
What signal is sent if you show up in that faded T, though? Well, if you show up looking like a slob, your date will receive the message that you weren’t excited to meet. Who wants to spend forever (or even the night) with someone like that?
If you want to make an even bigger impression and send a positive signal to your date, bring a small token.
Pre-date tip: One of my former gentlemen clients showed up to his dates with a small box of chocolates or a single white rose. Nine times out of ten, he got a second date. Bringing a small token shows that you are excited about meeting and hoping for something real to materialize from the date.
Even if during the date you find that you aren’t compatible, at least you are making a good impression by sending out the signal from the beginning that you are going into the date with high hopes and an open mind.
DURING THE DATE
Signal 2: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but stop checking out other people while you’re on a date. Your date should feel like they are the only person in the room. When your attention goes elsewhere — even to the television at the bar with the 'big game' on it, your date gets the signal (loud and clear) that you are not interested (or worst case, that you are rude). If you are interested in your date, give them your attention.
If your date has a wandering eye, chances are they are just not that into you.
Signal 3: If your date touches you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they want to go home and jump in the sack. I have been married for 13 years, and I touch people that I’m talking to all the time — men and women. As you may or may not know, I work as a director and I have a lot of actors on set with me. When I talk to them, I usually put my hands on their shoulders if they are in front of me or my arm around them if they are next to me. It’s the way that I am. (I’m Italian—what can I say?) If a date touches your hand or your arm, it’s not necessarily an invitation.
It is, however, a signal that your date is starting to feel comfortable with you. That’s a good thing.
During date tip: Guys — when ordering a drink, let your date order first. If your date orders something non-alcoholic, ask if it's alright for you to order something alcoholic (if that’s what you want). When your date orders something non-alcoholic, it might signal they don’t feel comfortable enough to drink.
When you ask about whether or not they are OK with you going in a different direction, it signals thoughtfulness of others, respect for what they want, and makes a very good first impression.
And, hey, if your date doesn’t want to drink and minds that you do, it’s probably a good indicator that you aren’t a match.
Signal 4: Often times, people are uncomfortable eating in front of someone they don’t know. It’s the strangest thing! If your date asks if you would like to share an appetizer, or even just asks about food, it means that they are hungry. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize this, but if you turn down sharing an appetizer or not ordering food, they probably won’t order anything either and end up being hungry.
Hungry can quickly turn into hangry. Share the app. Don’t give your date a reason to complain or be uncomfortable!
Signal 5: When the bill comes to the table, the server most likely will put it in front of the man if it is a man-woman date, or in the middle of the table if it is a same-sex date.
If you go to grab the bill, it signals that you are going to pay. If your date goes for their wallet, they are most likely going to offer you money to pay for the check.
This is in BOLD because it is important: Just because your date offers to split the bill doesn't mean they want to.
Often times, this is a courtesy and perhaps a bit of a test to see if you want to foot the bill. How you handle this situation can send many different signals. If you're planning on seeing them again, decline the split offer and say something cute like, “You can get it next time.”
If you aren’t planning on a second date, go ahead and accept their offer. Some men like to pay the full bill even if they aren’t looking for a second date, and that is really sweet. Guaranteed your date will mention that when talking about your date and/or giving feedback to their matchmaker!
AFTER THE DATE
Signal 6: If your date lingers by the table after you pay, it means that they would like you to walk them to the train station, their car, home, whatever. They don’t necessarily want the night to end.
A handshake signals, “Thank you, I had a nice time. You’re in the friend zone, but I’ll see you again. Maybe.”
A hug signals that they liked you a little more than that. And a kiss… Well… that’s a whole different article that I need to write.
Seriously, though, if you had a nice time with your date, give an old-fashioned kiss on the cheek. Some people think that a full-on kiss is pushing it for the first date, and they might be right. Different people have different signals for that. You can be bold and say something to the effect of, “I’d really like to kiss you goodnight,” and see what the reaction is.
There is always the danger of going too far and ruining the night.
Signal 7: If you want to see your date again, ask for their number or flat out say that you want to see them again. They will let you know if they want to see you again or not. If you do happen to get their number, text them an hour later saying, “Hey! Just wanted to make sure you got home okay.” Again, this is something that signals that you are interested in them. If they text you back immediately, the interest is probably there, too.
Writer + Director + Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify
Learn more about Candice, here.