Single Spotlight is a Heartalytics interview series in which our editor interviews and features different singles from the Tawkify network. Please note that while this column unmasks one eligible community member every quarter, the Tawkify network remains completely confidential. If you would like to be considered for our next Single Spotlight, join the waiting list. Get ready to meet former client, handsome DC bachelor, Matthew McCombs!
V: Let's start with the easy stuff. Who are you Matthew?
M: All right! My name Matthew McCombs. I'm forty nine, just turned forty nine on July 30th, and I live in Washington D.C.
V: (That means he's a Leo ladies!) How long have you lived in DC?
M: I've been in and out of D.C. all of my life.
V: OK, so you’re a true DC local. And you’re raising your children there as well?
M: Yes, two girls.
V: Right, and I understand you have custody of your daughters. Tell us about being a dad. What's it like raising two little women?
M: It’s great! I think I always knew I would have daughters. They are 9 and 13. My girls are a blast. Right now, it’s all K-Pop and punch-buggy-no-punch-backs. My eldest says “Dad, you are totally cringy, bro.” So, they have jokes for days.
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M: And, I don’t want to skip over the first part here. I have 50/50 custody. One week on, one off. My situation is uncommon, lucky. My ex and I put the girls first. In any divorce, undue hardship or harm to either parent always hurts the child. Our romantic relationship is in the past. Now, it’s about being there for the kids. Custody allows you to be present and being present is foundational…
“Without going too deep, I will say that custody is sacred.”
M: More women understand this. There isn’t any presence without custody, it’s the basis for parenting, motherhood, fatherhood. I feel that way about the custody of my girls.
V: I can feel the love from here, you are clearly a devoted parent! What kinds of things do you do to be present in their lives?
M: Well, I try to be active in all aspects of parenting. I cook, read to them, when they were babies I sang lullabies, and did diapers (of course!), I do hair. Currently making multiple menstrual kits for my eldest.
V: That’s completely amazing, Matthew.
M: Thank you! Grooming is another deep connection, just like nurturing and listening, validating emotion. I try not miss any of that. We joke a lot. I love the back and forth. On the role-modeling side, I’m not perfect. I try to be transparent and honest with them about my own strengths and limitations.
M: I want them to see me fall down seven times and get up eight….my parenting style has a parallel to the Wonderwoman story.
V: Oh really, do tell…
M: Have you seen the movie? Do you know the story?
V: Yes and somewhat.
M: OK, so you know Gal Gadot plays Diana aka Wonderwoman. Connie Nelsen and Robin Wright play, Hippolyta and Antiope, Diana’s mother and the great warrioress, respectively. Diana’s destiny is to confront Aries, the god of war. Diana desperately wants to be a warrior, but Hippolyta forbids it. Antiope secretly trains Diana. When Hippolyta finds out she accuses Antiope of betrayal, but Antiope tells Hippolyta she has betrayed Diana by not preparing her for Aries. I identify with Antiope. It’s my job as a parent to prepare my girls for the eventual flight from the nest.
V: How do you do that?
M: Well, there is book learning, traditional education, life skills, positive psychology, swimming, Mandarin, Krav Maga, critical thinking, etc. Most importantly, I want them to think for themselves and not let others do that for them. Basically, we have no princesses in the house just astronauts and accomplished women models, like Mae Jemison, Ruth Ginsburg, Korra the Avatar and Sailor Moon. So, it’s hard, rewarding work. It’s aspirational because there is no guarantee of outcome.
“Now, having said all that, since I’m off every other week and I have a travel bug, papa just maybe calling in on his week off from Santorini!”
V: You most certainly do have the travel bug! Weren’t you just in Bogota?
M: Yes! Mongolia and then Bogota. I've traveled to over 35 countries…
M: Yeah, I like to travel solo…I've done the Serengeti, the safari, I've done Salto Angel which is the tallest waterfall in the world and in the Venezuelan Amazon. I like those types of destinations. I swam in the Amazon where the two rivers come together. I still have places to go though! I need to get to Egypt, Greece…you know, but I've been to a lot of magical places, Bali, Rio.
V: You have the wanderlust!
(Matthew starts speaking in Spanish)
V: Oh my! Are you fluent in Spanish?
M: Yes! I lived in Spain, in Barcelona, in 1996. I had a flat right on La Rambla Santa Monica.
V: There’s a lot to unravel here. We need to get back to the basics though! How would you describe yourself in your own words?
M: I think there's some objective ways to describe my personality and then I can just also give you a little bit of my own story…so that will be more subjective.
M: OK, I’m an ENTJ.
The ENTJ personality type is nicknamed the "Chief" and belongs to the NT Intellectual temperament. ENTJs are natural and decisive leaders. They are analytical, efficient and hardworking. They live in the world of ideas and have a great ability to debate.
V: Is that the Myers Briggs?
M: Yep, so ENTJ is extrovert intuitive thinker judge. There’s another one called DiSC, on that one I’m a Di.
V: OK, what does that mean?
M: It means that I have a very upfront style of communicating. Some people are more reserved. I'm very much a leaning forward kind of guy.
V: We did an interview this summer with another member, Jessie Older, for the last Single Spotlight. She would say that you’re a “chief.”
“Yeah I’m like the chief’s chief!”
M: And then there’s Gallop. My top two traits there are command and activator.
M: Those are objective ways to describe me. And they’re not wrong, but if I were to describe myself…I’m also introspective. I’m precise, I’m very consistent, creative, very energetic. I can be intense.
V: Intense how?
M: Well…I’m a good listener, but I tend to want to hear all the information and then evaluate.
V: Do you try to acquire all the info on first dates?
M: No! On first dates, I’m just trying to have fun.
V: I want to talk more about that. How do you approach dating?
M: My love languages are acts of service…you know…what can I do for you baby? You want that done soon?
“If I hear you say, I need this, I’m running, I’m already doing it.”
V: The 3 sexiest words any man can say, this was polled, were: I got this.
M: I generally got it! Also, physical touch. That said, I can speak the other love languages. I like buying gifts for the woman in my life. I understand words of affirmation. I understand quality time. But I’m probably not a good match for someone who speaks only in gift giving.
V: What makes you feel loved?
M: Definitely the love languages I speak, it’s sexy to me when my lady has “got it” too. You know, that’s beautiful, I don’t have to worry about that, she’s got it. Also, physical touch. Put it on me! The hugs and kisses and all that.
“I think what makes people happy is to be seen and understood.”
V: That’s hard!
M: Yes, it’s a difficult task, it’s not easy. And it sometimes requires vulnerability. If you understand someone, whether you agree with them or not, you can respond in a way that’s comprehensive and has a lot of sincerity and kindness. That’s important in a relationship. Also, laughter and levity, being able to be free around someone, unfiltered.
V: Yes, absolutely. Do you have a type?
M: You know…I think it’s more about what I’m looking for. I’m looking for someone with shared values, aspirations and lifestyle, complimentary personality, similar interests.
V: What’s your heritage?
M: My mother is Afro-american. My father is white, Scotch-Irish.
V: I saw photos of your parents on your Instagram. They are very good looking individuals.
M: Thank you!
V: I can see where you got it!
V: Describe your perfect weekend.
M: Depends on who I’m with! My ideal solo travel weekend would involve mountain hiking, river swimming and laying about…powder white sands, calm waves lapping my feet, reading a good book.
“The perfect dad weekend would be a hike with my girls.”
M: Before or after that turn on jazz, bossa nova or some medley, make us a big brunch—eggs, grits w/shrimp, pancakes, bacon, sausage, maybe ribeye, toast and jam, green fruit smoothie, garnished with applies, strawberries, blueberries and some OJ.
V: Oh my, you also cook.
M: Yes! Then play…go to batting cages, arboretum, museums, etc. and doing that again on Sunday. The perfect weekend solo at home involves a creative effort, like creative writing or making furniture or some design, getting some gym time, making some savory meals while listening to some good music, catching a concert, show or series I like and visiting with good friends.
V: I could see a lucky lady fitting well into these weekends of yours! What was the last thing you did that really scared you but you did it anyway?
M: General contracting the full gut rehab of my house. I don't know if I was scared, but I can say that it has been daunting and a test of patience and perseverance. That in addition to a full time job has been challenging.
V: What do you do, Matthew?
M: I work for a bank, on the portfolio management risk side. For example, I was just in Mongolia visiting one of my projects, which is a large mine. You know, I travel to check-in on all kinds of projects…I'll be at an aluminum manufacturing facility or I'll be at a semiconductor manufacturing plant or a satellite, a gas fired electric power plant or an ethanol manufacturing facility…
V: You must have learned so much about the science behind these types of facilities!
M: Yes, but I’m the business lead.
V: You’re the business rolling into town!
V: How does a woman fit into your life?
M: I love women, but I’m a very monogamous dude. I’m a dad with two daughters.
“I can’t play around. I need a good woman. What can I say?”
V: Good women, are you reading this?
V: OK, you're stranded on a desert island. Who and what do you bring along?
M: Not sure if this is a fun or serious question…I'm bringing the right survival gear, right? I'll need a make fire, shovel, knife, seeds, etc? I"ll need partner...maybe she is a marine. That would be handy. If I can have anything, I'm gonna need some way to play Pandora.
V: For your bossa nova!
V: Share something that most people don't know about you.
M: That’s a hard one! I guess I'm so transparent that most people know everything…but, people don't know that I'm nerd in for history, ancient history and philosophy and psychology and that I spend a lot of time reading esoteric tomes and will sit and read some of the classics like Upanishads…
V: And he’s also an intellectual!
M: Right now, I know that I need to read up on Nietzsche and Goethe, and I actually read comics too, fiction, I think it is just simple curiosity that drives that passion.
“Also, people don’t know my history working in Latin America for afroamerican civil rights and economic development.”
M: Other things, I'm a triplet, my fascination with myth and philology, ethnomusicology, that I'm mixed....this was a hard question!
V: You answered it beautifully though! OK, I’m appealing to your romantic side to wrap things up. If you could take a date anywhere in the world for the next 24 hours, where'd you go and what would you do?
M: I would like dinner on the Nile river a little before dusk, I'm hoping there salubrious breeze are some breathtaking views and so much to talk about.
V: Take me! Take me!