Dear Matchmakers: I'm in love with a woman who follows a paleo diet, but I'm a 80-10-10 low-fat raw vegan/fruitarian, so we have fruits and vegetables in common for food. We've talked about having children; she says we'd have to decide on the best diet between us for feeding our future kids, but I don't think she'll side with mine, and I won't side with her diet. We've also both stated that we didn't think the other was our first priority type, but I've come to love her anyway, and she says she possibly could fall for me in the future, but in the mean time she's going to look for her first type, and if she doesn't find him, she knows she can come back to me. What do we do to resolve this situation?
- Magician type Changer
Dear Magician Type Changer: If fighting over breakfast, lunch, and dinner is inevitable because of your differences, then bringing a child into this world together may not be the best move. And truthfully, if your love interest were truly a great match otherwise, dietary preferences would not feel so insurmountable.
In terms of finding common ground, I think this is something you've already achieved. If you're not each other's number one pick, dietary differences seem like a bit of a red (not pickled) herring here. If being with one another feels like "settling," and would mean giving up on core beliefs you hold dearly, it could be beneficial to you both to proactively pursue better matches.
If you are in a larger metropolis, you must be aware that there are plenty of fish (or tofu burgers, depending on your locale) in that big sea of yours, and I'm sure that through some vegan Meetups, cooking classes, yoga classes, kirtan chanting, ecstatic dancing, five rhythm moving, or meditation groups, you can find someone who's closer to the one you truly want.
Love Pirate Nia
Art by Margaret Bergart