While working in the field of Relationship and Sexuality Geekery, and talking to people about their love lives all day every day, sometimes patterns emerge. Perhaps it’s the Baader Meinhof phenomenon. Some may call it a coincidence, others may go with synchronicity. It’s a lot like those optical illusion images, where if you try just hard enough while not trying at all, you will see objects float up to the surface. For me, it’s just the theme of the week. This week’s theme is: “But I’m a [Zodiac Sign]”.
I had not heard men blame their zodiac signs as an excuse for bad behavior previously, but this week, between my coaching sessions, walking down the street, and hearing accounts of some truly awful pickup lines--it emerged as a pattern. If you are confused, here’s how this “fix-all” line works. First, let’s say a guy (call him Tony) wants to hit on an attractive woman. He will try to pull out his best “game” (said with an eye-roll because if you think that’s a thing, you’re in trouble), he may tell her that she looks “hella fine for someone who sounds that smart,” perhaps a classic “number one stunner” could be dropped there, or any sort of focus drawn to a body part with some “I’m just sayin’” attitude. Then Tony will get some side-eye, a brilliant remark from this lovely lady, or more frequently some confusion. Tony now can respond with “But I’m a Leo,” or “I’m a Capricorn,” or “Well, I’m a Sagittarius!” (you get it). Let’s decode what he is really saying: “I know that what I said was inappropriate, but societal norms have led me to believe that mentioning Astrology will make me look more cool, in the know, New Agey, and sensitive. I can mask my lack of a filter and critical thinking, or my inappropriate behavior as a ‘fiery directness’ that is in my chart, and therefore part of my genetic code.”
Intermission here--just to point out that women folk also do it, but this is a specific phenomena I witnessed in the male bodied specimen of the homosapien species most recently.
After obsessing over this curious behavior, I realized that it is just another way to bypass vulnerability in an attempt to connect with strangers. It is intimidating to walk up to someone and express interest, so if you feel rejected or critiqued it’s not unusual to wish for a verbal pathway back into your little hermit shell. Saying that you’re a Gemini is a way of protecting your feelings by means of dismissing the feedback on your behavior as irrelevant. Technically, mission accomplished. What falls by the wayside though, is any sort of progress you could otherwise make in your dating life, and in learning to approach others. If, in trying to impress a lovely new person, you find yourself getting a reaction you didn’t expect, just back up, perhaps apologize, but don’t make excuses for your crappy behaviour. There is nothing sexy about excuses, especially an excuse that makes you look manic and confusing.
If you find yourself in a bad space and feel the urge to fix it with your zodiac sign band-aid, keep this sentence in your back pocket: “Wow! Those words together in that order were not good, were they? I’m sorry, let’s start over. My name is Tony.”
Love Pirate Nia