Category Archives: Jenny

Mystery Date Prep Time

31 Tuesday Jul 2012

Posted by in Jenny, Mystery Dates

≈ Comments Off

Tags

, , , , ,

Match Girl had a delightful moment this morning. As part of the Mystery Date, I hold off on giving anyone details about where or whom they’re meeting until the day of. In the morning, I check in for outfit details, give them to each dater, then later in the day tell them where exactly to meet. When they find each other and alert me, they are emailed the plan for their Mystery Date.

There is nothing I won’t do for my clients, and an outfit assessment ahead of time can be helpful. This particularly witty New York chap was confused when Match Girl emailed him her standard “What are you wearing?” email. My, my!, he thought. What a question! Then it all became clear, and he wrote the following delicious email.

I thought I would share it with you as inspiration on how to approach Mystery Dates, how to have humor about the whole process, and how to define your personal style, all in one. Enjoy this wonderful note!

From: New York Dater (MALE) 7.31.12.

To: Match Girl

Subject: Tonight!

I see now why you asked me about clothing. I am so fuckin dumb.

I’ll wear jeans and a black polo. I have a brown/red beard, glasses and brown hair.

Basically I look like this…..

Inline image 1

….except the real-life version of that:
less stylish
less pretentious
less Williamsburgy
less cinema studies major
less standing-on-the-corner-trying-to-look-hip
less beardy
less, ahem….slender

Weekend Romance

22 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by in Date Ideas, Flirting, Jenny

≈ Comments Off

Tags

, , , , , , ,

It’s time to pull on your short shorts and pop your collars. Well, no need to do all of that if it isn’t your personal style… but at least throw on your favorite summer gear and get OUT there this weekend.

Summer has officially begun, the sun is shining (well, in most places), and you’ve never been sexier than you are right now. Here are some tips for catching the eye of an alluring stranger, from bars to beaches and beyond.

Coffee Shop Showdown: If you see a hottie waiting at the coffee bar for his/her iced coffee, let them know you think they’re cute by sending out good vibes. A smile, the initiation of a joke about how long it’s taking to get your orders, or a flirtatious “Is that your skim cap or mine?” can go a long way. I can’t tell you how many of my friends met their current partners at Starbucks. Iced coffee is a great bonding tool.

Another coffee shop tip– so many telecommute or work-from-home professionals use their local java stop as an office. If you are a freelancer, or are between jobs and networking, set up shop with your laptop at a cafe and spend the day there. You never know what attractive, entrepreneurial people you might meet!

Fun in the Sun: The beach is a free zone– free from stress, free from thoughts of work and drama with friends. The beach is your place to be a kid again, so why not enjoy some mild flirtation while soaking up the rays? Bring a frisbee, volleyball or other prop when you hit the beach or lake with your single friends. You’ll feel confident approaching cute singles to have them join in the fun when you’re in a group setting. Bonus: your killer bod is on display; a bathing suit is the perfect advertisement for what you’ve got.

Backyard Romance: Your friend is throwing a barbecue and inviting some single friends of his/her significant other. Perfect opportunity for you to shine! Show up wearing your cutest I-look-great-but-don’t-try-too-hard summer outfit and bring a special homemade food or drink item to strut your domestic skills and all-around thoughtfulness. Not a culinary genius or natural bar master? Invest in a delicious crowd-pleaser like RIPE all-natural margarita mix and a bottle of tequila. Party’s here!

Happy Hour Hotness: Summer is the perfect time for enjoying your city, and no one can pass up an outdoor happy hour. Even if you don’t drink alcohol, happy hour on a rooftop or sidewalk is a great opportunity for mingling with strangers. The summer air and a $3 beer or $1 oyster puts people in the mood to meet each other. Scope out the best deals in outdoor, early-evening dining and drinking in your town and show up with a single friend and tow… and an open mind.

Kissing in the Rain

21 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by in Flirting, Jenny, Love, Relationships

≈ Comments Off

Tags

, , , , , , ,

If you’ve ever watched the cautiously optimistic love story “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” I can guarantee that when you hear the phrase “kissing in the rain,” an image is conjured from the final scene of the film. If not, you’re still seeing romance. Why?

This scene has made Match Girl cry every single one of the hundred-plus times she’s watched the movie.

There is something so delightful about the idea of finding a special, loving moment in an otherwise annoying context. Rain is messy and unrelenting and it can make your hair go from cute to crap. No one likes getting stuck in the rain, or driving in the rain, or having to walk to work in the rain. But kissing in the rain? Now, that’s sexy.

What is your personal ick circumstance that would be much more appealing with some love? Is it the sticky summer heat we’ve started experiencing across the country? Is it a hectic morning that gets punctuated happily by a flirtatious wink from a cute stranger?

Match Girl suggests you take your next crappy day and infuse it with some romance. Whether it means taking a break from the laundry to tell your partner how you feel about them, or turning your next “caught in the rain” moment to a “kissed in the rain” day.

Get Your Flirt On

20 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by in Flirting, Jenny, Psycho Babble

≈ Comments Off

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

The article might be a little outdated, but Match Girl thinks it is worth getting in our psychology time machines and heading back to 1999 to learn more about the science of flirting. Yes, that’s right. Flirting is more than a coquettish and/or roguish set of behaviors exhibited in bars and at co-ed picnics to gauge attraction. It’s a psychological method used by people to connect. And it’s fascinating.

Photo courtesy of littlepinkbook.com

“Flirting Fascination” was published in the late 90′s but the author, Joann Ellison, makes some interesting and still applicable points. She opens with an early quote from Richard Burton on his initial attraction to the lovely and glamorous Elizabeth Taylor. But beneath the violet eyes, shiny black hair and killer bod, Ellison asserts that modern psychologists would be willing to bet that: “Liz tossed her hair, swayed her hips, arched her feet, giggled, gazed wide-eyed, flicked her tongue over her lips and extended that apocalyptic chest,” and that Burton returned the favor with his own set of male flirtations.

It wasn’t long before these two went from flirting to creating a full-on love story.

Sometimes we see a photo and think, “What an attractive, striking person!” but still wish we could see them in person to determine if our gut is correct. Of course, even poses can be flirtatious — remember Paris Hilton’s over-the-shoulder red carpet sex kitten stare that made her such an icon a few years ago? Or what about Tyra Banks’ fortune that’s been built on her famous “Smize-ing” or smiling with the eyes? Flirtation, plain and simple.

The Smize: a permanent flirtation…

Ellison says of flirting, “Long trivialized and even demonized, flirtation is gaining new respectability thanks to a spate of provocative studies of animal and human behavior in many parts of the world. The capacity of men and women to flirt and to be receptive to flirting turns out to be a remarkable set of behaviors embedded deep in our psyches.” It’s true, isn’t it? Whether you have romantic intent or not, do you ladies ever find yourself tossing your hair around or batting your lashes? Men, please admit to having tossed a cute smirk at the cutie behind the coffee counter this very morning.

Turns out, flirting is natural and healthy. It is a mechanism designed to help get us what we want, and it can be a terribly rewarding tactic. But whatever your intent when getting your flirt on, it’s interesting to uncover the evolutionary roots at play here. Ellison explains that flirting came about as a safety mechanism in partner-seeking:

“Our animal and human ancestors needed a means of quickly and safely judging the value of potential mates without “going all the way” and risking pregnancy with every possible candidate they encountered. Flirting achieved that end, offering a relatively risk-free set of signals with which to sample the field, try out sexual wares and exchange vital information about candidates’ general health and reproductive fitness.” Rather than risk it all, humans would flirt with each other to feel out each others’ compatibility and if signals were off, move on.

The silly flirt, like stealing a bite of her pizza or some other ridiculously MALE thing to do, is a great tactic for budding romance.

Today, flirting is a widespread phenomenon that takes place in dive bars, on city streets, and if you’re lucky, at your very own kitchen sink while doing dishes with your trusted partner. Flirting is a fun and powerful way of recognizing your own powers of sexual attraction. So get out there and get your flirt on, you sassy scoundrel!

Can you blame Ryan Gosling for flirting with Olivia Wilde? She keeps it cool… but Match Girl is certain Olivia was loving this moment at the Golden Globes.

I See Myself in You

15 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by in Jenny, Psycho Babble

≈ Comments Off

Tags

, , , , ,

We’ve all heard that needlepoint philosophy about finding a second self in your friend. Well, what about in your boyfriend? According to a study out of the University of Illinois, people are more likely to find others sexually attractive if they in some way resemble our parents or ourselves.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Ew! But putting the whole incest construct aside for a moment, think about your parents. If they’re still together, or were for a while, do you remember anyone ever telling them they sorta look like? And then think back to the partner of yours from the past (or present!) to whom you were the most physically attracted. Did this person happen to have your coloring? A comparable body type to you? Do you see where I’m going here?

These two not only look alike, they dress alike!

Psych.org spells out in layman’s terms: “…a new study led by Fraley suggests there may also be a psychological component in which we align ourselves with our kin, who are genetically close to us.” The research for this article was compiled from three experiments. In one, participants were shown a stranger’s face for a split second; half of these people were also flashed a photo of their own opposite-gender parent. Those who had been shown a photo of their parent were more likely to find the stranger sexually attractive. Hm!

These two TOTALLY look alike!

Number two involved morphing photos. The control group viewed face morphs of two total strangers; the other subjects unknowingly were shown face morphs consisting of up to 45% of their OWN face. Well, you guessed it: “In this experiment the subjects shown images containing their own face found the picture more sexually attractive.”

The third experiment sought to prove that cultural incest taboo would make less people find their own composites attractive. Subjects were again shown face morphs, but those who knew that the ones they were being shown contained their own faces ended up rating it less sexually attractive.

Conclusion? You know how many of us want a Jewish partner, or a blue-eyed, or tall, or otherwise specified mate? Some of this is important for cultural reasons and so that we will have shared interests. Some of it may be plain old instinct telling us that us that people who look like us are gorgeous. Match Girl is a little fuzzy on the details, but finds this compelling nonetheless!

Sniff Test

13 Wednesday Jun 2012

Posted by in Jenny, Love, Psycho Babble, Relationships

≈ Comments Off

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Getty Image borrowed from MarieClaire.com

I happened upon an interesting article in the June issue of Marie Claire last night. Yes, I realize the newsstands have moved to July, but this Match Girl doesn’t always get a chance to read her mags in an up-to-the-moment fashion. In any case, this fascinating piece by E. J. Balloch entitled “Scent of a Marriage” talks about the role of smell in a romantic relationship. This is the kind of thing we don’t always think about, but it brings to light an important concept.

Have you ever been so in love with someone that getting a whiff of his (or her) sweaty t-shirt is a sexually charged moment? I hadn’t really thought about it like that before, but maybe this is why I love doing the laundry in our little love nest in Brooklyn. I have definitely gotten caught sneaking a sniff while stripping his pillows of their cases… though not his dirty socks, at least. Josh and I both rotate fragrances frequently, but I guess the perfumes or colognes we use just become a part of our larger scent profiles.

Bond No. 9 New York’s Andy Warhol Union Square perfume is one of Josh’s favorite elements of my complex scent.

Back to the experts though. Balloch talks about how her first marriage was not a good scent-match. “The truth is,” she writes, “I was never drawn to my ex’s smell. My first scent memory of him, as we tipsily leaned into each other after a holiday party, was of expensive, tasteful cologne, like the men’s section at Saks. His clothes, when they came off, smelled of Tide and Downy. He was too pristine, too sanitized.”

It turns out, he didn’t dig her smell either. And he let her know it:

“In the end, he flat out told me that I literally stunk like hell to him. Was my funk just god-awful? Maybe, maybe not. It turns out that it doesn’t really matter. The appeal doesn’t have anything to do with an objectively pretty or spicy smell, like lilacs or nutmeg. It has to do with that ineffable sense that signals: This smells like my person, however salty, grassy, or musky. This is the person I need to mate with. My ex and I weren’t broadcasting sexual cues to each other at all.”

Hmm. Balloch goes on to explore the integral relationship between smell and romance, detailing that she and her current husband are a better match. In fact, one of the first things he complimented her on was her scent. And four years later, they’re still majorly into each other’s smells. The high-on-life writer even claims that she and her funky-smelling hubby have gotten it on every. single. day. since they first got together.

What?

Maybe there is something to this whole scent thing. I love that it goes beyond perfume and cooking supplies and laundry detergent. Isn’t it interesting to think about what makes your smell unique? Are there certain perfumes, shampoos or spices you think your honey associates with you?

These two love their mutual smell so much they decided to market it. Hey, don’t knock it.

One thing to take away from this article: if you’re single and looking for your next mate, make sure you don’t ignore those scent impressions right from the get-go. To this day I find myself catapulted back to March 2009 every time I catch a whiff of what I call Josh’s “first date cologne.” I don’t know which one it is–he’s never told me and I don’t want to know. I just know that when it finds itself in the rotation, memories of new love flood me. And no matter what’s on his neck today, I’m still intoxicated.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 33 other followers