Tawkify Favorites

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print

Ask Aly: “There must be something wrong with me.”

But, it’s not a matter of if bad things will happen, it’s a matter of when. If staying motivated in the quest for love is a struggle…

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print


first-date-manual-tawkify-matchmaker-alyssa-bunn-dating-service-best-matchmakers-tawkify.png

Jace asks: “I’m beginning to think I’m not cut out for this. All of my friends are married. It’s definitely ‘time,’ (I’m 35), but my dating efforts don’t lead to anything serious. Is there something wrong with me?”

We all have a tendency to believe things that aren’t entirely true, and a defeatist attitude may be a primary reason you have not yet found your person.

“Why can’t I meet someone?” 

“There must be something wrong with me!”

These are the most common sentiments I hear from clients and friends when things go wrong in love. It’s time to burst that bubble forever!
 

I know this is easier said than done, especially when it feels like dating is predictably unpredictable.

But, it’s not a matter of if bad things will happen, it’s a matter of when. If staying motivated in the quest for love is a struggle, consider applying one (or all) of these tips to start dating with joy and optimism:

  1. Build a Positivity Circuit.

    Spend one minute identifying 3 – 5 positive things a day. Use an online program like iCloud or Evernote, or opt for a physical notebook to document your progress.

    Gratitude not only helps us feel more confident, but it’s scientifically-proven to help us win new relationships. Try it!

  2. Create your ‘Why’.

    Make a list of what you do and don’t want in a relationship. This helps you prepare questions and focus your interactions. Use these questions as a litmus test while courting, and seek only those who satisfy your ‘why’.

    For more on ‘defining your dating cause,’ check out Revitalize Your Desire to Date In 3 Steps.

  3. Read the Law of Attraction.

    It’s a life-transforming philosophy that explains why and how we get what we put-out in this world.

  4. Explore new introductions.

    That professional group you’ve been avoiding like the plague is a self-organized ‘home’ waiting for you. Here, you can practice your hot new relational skills and meet like-minds. It’s not always who is there, but who those people know.

    If you’re looking for more IRL dating locale inspiration, don’t miss 6 Unexpected Places to Meet People Offline and Meet Cute.

  5. Chart a path to forgiveness.

    Think about what has hurt your heart in the past and be intentional about forgiveness — one person; one day at a time.

    Forgiveness creates hope that the past could be different.

    Until you fully heal, your past dating wounds will fester, clouding your judgment and obstructing your growth.

  6. Take a self-care day.

    Take a guilt-free day off to take care of number 1: you. Eat a healthy breakfast, get your endorphins flowing, and do what you heart calls to — a bath, a new hobby, or just some good old silence. Cap it off with a good night’s rest and you’ve got yourself a Kindness Kocktail!

  7. Simply refuse to give up.

    Understand that dating isn’t about striving for perfection.

    It’s about showing up and giving it your all. When you bring that effort to every date, true love has the space to fall into place.

  8. Smile. It’s magic.

Don’t give up, Jace! 

Alyssa Bunn
Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify and Founder of Love & Co.

Looking for more matchmaker motivation? Hear from other experts on this topic: Matchmaker Says: From Cower To Power.

Popular Posts

5 Ways to Win An Argument In A Relationship

It’s happened– your Springtime in Paris new relationship has hit a significant bump in the road. You’re feeling the urge to say something 180 degrees from “you’re just so perfect and amazing” to your new love interest. Congratulations– this is your first opportunity for a growth power-up!

Quell the impulse to text “We need to talk.” If you’ve already typed it in, with your thumb hovering above “send,” aim for “delete” instead. No one wants to read that; no one wants to be forewarned of impending doom unless they’re watching a movie. You’ll only succeed in spurring the imminent arsenal of defense…

Read More

GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU AM: “Love Again” by Run The Jewels

The other week, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a new father – we’ll call him Cronus – and we were talking about parental instinct. He lowered his voice conspiratorially, considered the infant in his lap and said, “Sometimes I love my baby so much that I want to eat him. Is that normal?” 

Turns out, it’s not just normal–it’s science! Olfactory chemical signals–the smells of newborn babies have been linked to dopamine spikes in the brains of new mothers, essentially triggering the same neurological reward circuit activated when a very hungry person eats, or when a heroin addict shoots up…

Read More

5 Ways to Avoid the Cliff of Contemporary Dating

I have a friend who dates online… a lot. You could say she’s popular. She gets out again and again because she’s fabulous–which is obvious, even through a screen. Yet she arrives each time preloaded with every personal detail about her date–their hometown, full legal name, and family history–often even their annual income and whether or not they rent or own. IT IS RIDICULOUS. The internet is a fantastic tool for writing a thesis, but should it be used to compose a 15-page, pre-introduction memoir on a potential romantic interest’s life story?…

Read More