Introverts often get overlooked in the dating world and can feel dejected by the process. There’s a bit of a feedback loop that introverts are on. On one hand they want to date and be social and on the other hand meeting new people can be a daunting experience, which affects not only how often they go on dates but how they find dates.
Dating can be a bit more challenging for introverts but there are proven techniques that can help. For the near decade I’ve been with Tawkify, I have spoken to over 10k people and noticed some patterns when it comes to how introverts date most successfully. There are different situations which introverts can avoid when dating and ways they can create environments they thrive in — making them more comfortable, thereby, making their ability to connect more authentic and more fun!
Here are 5 solid pieces of dating advice for introverts seeking fulfilling, long-term relationships.
1. Go on activity dates
Instead of resorting to standard settings, like loud bars and bustling coffee shops, go for a walk in a park, a casual hike around a lake or miniature golf. Find an establishment that has a chill vibe that offers board games and other interactive things you and your date can do. By doing activities while getting to know your match you’re creating a setting where you don’t feel the pressure to talk the entire time. The physical part of the date will also keep you from thinking too much about your performance on the date because you’ll be in the moment and present doing the activity and connecting with your date.
2. Do not try to avoid awkward silences
Embrace them, instead! The main reason we avoid “awkward silences” is due to the fact that short pauses can feel like they are lasting forever and we associate that with losing one’s interest. When you feel a pause coming, take a beat and use the setting you’re in to create a way to connect in other ways like creating eye contact, or giving a smile, make a move in the physical activity you’re doing, notice something happening around you that is pleasant or funny that you can both share. Silences can be positive and can also give the match a feeling that you’re open and a good listener.
3. Do not pretend to be someone else
We all show up with our best foot forward because we want our date to like us. It’s normal to position yourself in the best light possible and try to impress – so congratulations you’re normal! However, it’s important to not let the desire to be liked interfere with the natural essence of who you are. It’s important to be authentic the whole way through. Be sure to lean into your natural and most comfortable self. Doing steps 1 and 2 will help facilitate this. When someone is authentic they radiate an energy that is undeniably attractive. It’s great to find topics you can connect on and have the desire to want someone to like you – when you do this with authenticity you radiate honesty and integrity which is much more impressive than trying to be impressive.
4. Understand that rejection does not say anything about a person
Not everyone is going to be your forever person and that means you’re also not going to be everyone’s forever person. We are all assessing what works and what doesn’t work moment to moment on dates. This happens on an emotional level we aren’t often even conscious of because it’s a feeling we have in the moment.
I liken not getting a second date to an actor not getting a “call back” on an audition. Just because the actor didn’t get the part doesn’t mean they’re not awesome at their craft and that they didn’t nail the audition or that the actor doesn’t deserve the part. It could be a very inconsequential reason that the actor didn’t get the part.
Same goes for dating.
There are plenty of opportunities to meet your match and if you do feel rejection coming on, look at it as a chance to hone in on your dating skills or make a new friend or a new creative collaborator. Not having a romantic connection doesn’t mean you can’t connect in other ways.
5. Hire a Matchmaker
For introverts, the mere thought of finding someone may feel daunting and exhausting. The swiping culture is one where introverts may not get to shine as bright as they do in person. That is where modern dating services like Tawkify can help.
A professional matchmaker takes all the guess-work out of the searching process (which let’s face it can be a full-time job). They get to know you and then hand-select potential matches for you. Think of your matchmaker like your best friend who happens to be really good at giving dating advice and has access to millions of single people looking for someone like you! Tawkify has a ton of amazing, seasoned matchmakers who will not only help find your match but will also take their time to talk you through any of your concerns and questions you have about dating. This is a great service for introverts who just need that little dating boost and some dating tips along the way.