Editors note: Welcome to the KonMari mini-series on Heartalytics! For new readers, don’t miss: KonMari Your Love-Life: Module I, published last month.
For those unfamiliar: Marie Kondo, otherwise known as Konmari, is a Japanese organizing consultant and author. She has written 4 books, which have collectively sold millions of copies.
When Huffpost asked us to weigh-in on their article, This Is How To Tidy Up Your Dating Life, Marie Kondo Style, we started tawking. Truly, there are countless ways to apply organizing principles to our love-lives!
But just as one-size-fits-all fits no one, organizing strategies cannot be universally applied. Cover both modules to peruse insights from a collection of talented matchmakers, choosing the ones that spark the most joy!
Gaby Aratow, Professional Matchmaker, Writer and Public Speaker, encourages singles to:
Delete the Duds
Too many singles stay connected to all the people they’ve ever met on dating apps, even when those past communications simply clutter-up phone storage and focus. Go through all past connections, one-by-one, through dating apps and phone contacts. Briefly review every thread and ask yourself, “Does this person spark joy for me?”
If you feel frustration, disappointment, or just plain inertia, say “thank you” to the universe for the exchanges you had in that moment and DELETE. Why expose yourself to any amount of stalemate dialogue?
Similarly, take all the pictures of loves lost and dating encounters from yesteryear and make a file, titled, “Dating Memories,” or something of the like. Slide the photos from your camera roll into that single folder. This is a place to honor the possibilities along the journey that isn’t forefront in daily, present, life. For less nostalgic types, feel free to delete altogether.
Once you’ve tidied up your apps and camera roll, you can start to apply the same “spark joy” philosophy to a new, unburdened chapter of the dating experience. People who disappear and return, or exhibit self-centered behavior—such as saying they’ll call and then not—have no room in your lighter, more efficient dating practice.
“Dating baggage no longer resides in your phone, nor in your current mind. Now, there is room for more people, different people—and only people who make you feel good.”
Contact Gaby to speak about dating and love at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Justina Victoria, Men’s Sex Coach, Founder of The Sexual Mastery Center NYC and Matchmaker at Tawkify:
Search out the special
Often, we get hung up on the traits our date doesn’t have, the boxes they don’t check. When is beauty ever found with this mindset? Connection arises from observing the magic in every person you get to spend time with. When we focus on what they’re doing right, what is uniquely beautiful about them—the essence of the person and what they offer from their heart—the dating experience is transformed from lack-luster to an experience of abundance and wonder.
Show up as your best self on a date and cultivate a mindset of seeking and supporting the same in others. It’s a gift to be exposed to someone else’s light, whether they are your happily ever after or not.
Risa Cohen, Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify:
The deliberate action of letting-go, forces us to face the question of, what’s really important? Dating health is a function of general lifestyle health, such as satisfaction with living and work. If you’re experiencing dissatisfaction in your living space, it can be difficult to be fully present in the dating space. Dating success is most readily achieved when joy is sparked across the board. Start there.
“Start working on the places where you feel jaded, bored and/or uninspired.”
Work on those places, examine what’s truly important and build those things up. Get yourself un-stuck!
Choose places rather than people:
Where would you love to visit? Search meet-ups, activities or ask your Tawkify matchmaker to look for matches in that place. Maybe its time for some fresh air in a new space.
Jackie Legzdins, Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify, reminds us that while it feels incredible to clean-up,
Don’t Dump Your Mess!
Oversharing is always a NO/NO. You’ve done the organizing work, you’ve cleared out your phone and your space, and while it’s a good thing to be honest and authentic, that entire journey need not be shared on the next date.
“You’ve done the work. Now, be in the moment!”
New relationships are at their best when they feel fun and positive, so keep your pesky ex’s, work issues and family drama in the rubbish—where you just threw them all out because you’re a KonMari expert now!
Robyn Koenig, Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify, Certified Professional Dating Coach, CPC, and Founder of Rare Find:
MAP IT, MOLD IT
Create space to be alone and lay it all out. With either post-it notes or by mental map, face every relationship in your life with full awareness. Ask yourself: Is this relationship serving us (sparking joy), or is it holding us back (creating clutter).
It’s human nature to maintain connections with one another, though we often hang-on far too long. Why? We cling from fear: I must hold on, ‘what if’ this is as good as it will get?! Above all, decisions born from fear should be closely scruitinzed.