Ghosting is fairly common in the online dating world: You and a potential match messaging back and forth for a few days (or even weeks) when suddenly the other person goes silent. Rather than being mature and straightforward, they just bow out of the conversation sans explanation.
If you get ghosted after just a few messages, there’s no need to respond—move on to someone else who is (hopefully) more upfront about their feelings. But, as the dating stages progress, getting ghosted becomes more and more hurtful. If you’ve been communicating for a while, or even started an in-real-life relationship, you may want to say something to help you get closure. The following scripts allow you to say your piece and move on.
The best ways to respond to ghosting… if you never went on a date
You exchanged messages back and forth with someone and things seemed to be progressing—until they went radio silent. While you don’t need to say anything, since you didn’t meet in person, you might want to officially close the door on this match in order to move on. You could say:
- It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you, and I’m no longer interested.
- I thought we had a connection but I guess I was wrong.
- Since you haven’t responded, I’m assuming that we’re both not interested enough to keep talking.
- I can take a hint. Bye.
- I thought we had something here but it doesn’t seem like you feel the same.
- If you’re not interested, you could have just said so instead of going silent.
- I’m going to take your lack of response to mean that you’re not into me.
Best ways to respond to ghosting… if you went on one date
You went on (what you thought was) a great first date but you haven’t heard back from the person since. While there’s no need to be petty, you may want to be upfront about how you’re feeling if only to let the person know that this kind of behavior indicates more about them than it does about you. Try saying:
- Thank you again for the date. I had fun but clearly the feeling wasn’t mutual.
- If you weren’t interested in me after meeting up, you could have just been upfront about it then.
- I really liked hanging out but I’m going to assume that you didn’t—time for me to move on.
- It’s been [x amount of time] since I’ve heard back from you, so I assume we won’t be seeing each other again.
- I know you’re a good person, but the right thing to do would have been to tell me that you’re not interested.
- Just to make it official, I don’t think we should go out again.
- Since you’ve been silent since our date, I’m not interested in seeing you again.
Best ways to respond to ghosting… after dating casually
If you’ve been ghosted after a few dates, it’s normal to feel confused. Things seemed to be moving along until they abruptly stopped. In this situation, you could consider giving feedback to the person to explain your feelings and what you wish they had done differently, if only to get it off your chest. You could say:
- If you lost interest in me, I wish you would have just been honest about it instead of ghosting me.
- I thought we had a good connection, but it seems like we are not on the same page. I’m not interested in playing games.
- I wish you had been upfront about not wanting to date me anymore. That would have been kinder than giving me the silent treatment.
- I’ve had a great time getting to know you but it appears that you don’t feel the same.
- I’m not going to waste time with someone who’s just not that into me. Wishing you better luck with someone else.
- I really liked you but since you’ve ignored my texts and messages, the feeling is obviously not mutual.
- I’m looking for someone who’s willing to put the time and energy into a relationship. That doesn’t appear to be you.
- Since I haven’t heard from you, I’m assuming we should go our separate ways at this point.
Best ways to respond to ghosting… after becoming “official”
This type of ghosting situation stings the most. You’ve put time and effort into a relationship—not to mention your feelings on the line. While you don’t need to give a long explanation of how you’ve been hurt, you can go a little deeper into detail about how ghosting has affected you. The following responses vary from leaving the door open, and giving the person another chance, to closing the door entirely. Try saying:
- I’m confused—are you actually ghosting me at this stage in our relationship?
- Your lack of response is really hurtful. However, I really like you and I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt if something personal is going on.
- I’m not used to being ghosted at this point in a relationship so I’m not sure how to respond to your silence.
- Things were great while they lasted. I hate that this is ending so abruptly.
- I hoped that you and I could build something together but, clearly, we are not a good match.
- People change their minds about relationships all the time, but I wish you could have at least done me the courtesy of telling me directly.
- I’m not willing to spend any more time on someone who clearly doesn’t value me.
- The way you’re shutting me out is really toxic. I hope you can be more honest and upfront with the next person you date.
Being ghosted feels awful but, unfortunately, it’s part of online dating. The virtual aspect of apps and websites makes it all too easy for people to see potential matches as profiles, not actual people. If you’ve had negative experiences online, or you’re just ready to try something new, consider using a matchmaking service like Tawkify where you can meet people who are less likely to play games—and are more serious about finding a real, lasting connection.