Several weeks ago I connected with Amy Silverman (Founder of The Connection Movement) to get the scoop on Connection Camp, a sleep-away camp for adults (I know, it’s an amazing concept). Amy had A LOT of interesting things to say in that interview about dating in today’s “age of loneliness,” and the lack of true human connection in general (among other things, read the interview).
I felt there was so much more goodness to extract from Amy’s spectacular brain, so here we are again! Today, Amy shares her 5 top tips for creating more depth and connection on dates:
1. Honest Over Agree-able
It can be tough navigating how to be honest on a date while also wanting to make a good impression. I mean, we all have at least a part of us that wants to be liked, right? Do we choose to be agree-able for the sake of things going easily or to increase our like-ability?What do we censor until later and what do we share?
Don’t claim to like things that you don’t or fake interest in things just to satisfy what you think your date wants. You’re both trying to see if you’re a match, so be honest (and tactful). This way you’re building a connection based on what is true for you both and no one walks away with false impressions.
2. Curiosity Over Assumption
“Drop all assumptions and get curious.”
There’s a lot you can learn if you open up to the possibility that you don’t already know. You might have thoughts like “He lives on the Lower East Side, so he’s…” “She’s wearing bright red lipstick so she’s…” Let yourself get beyond your assumptions and actually bring your curiosity into the mix. ASK! “What do you like about living on Long Island?” “I noticed your lipstick, I’m curious how you feel when you wear that color?” This can help you actually know the person instead of forming impressions based on your assumptions or past experiences with other people.
3. It’s Not An Interview
We’ve all been on those dates where someone seems to go through a list of data-gathering questions as if they’re filling in a survey about us. “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “Where do you live?” UGH! Forget about gathering data for your compatibility mental checklist and go for stories! Instead of “Are you adventurous?” ask a meaty question like “What’s the most adventurous trip you ever went on?” And then dive in deeper with follow-up questions rather than skipping to your next curiosity.
Tawkify note: We’ve covered this topic as well. Check out Matchmaker Says: Cut The Small Talk for more.
4. Games (You Can’t Win!)
“Acting aloof” “Playing hard to get” are traps. You’re presenting yourself as someone you’re not. Don’t contort yourself into who you think they might like or desire or act a certain way just to produce a particular result. Act on (and speak to) what you’re actually feeling, thinking or wanting. If you’re true to yourself and your date is true to themselves too, things will unfold as they are meant to.
5. Be present and have fun!
“Put away your phone and be present to what’s in the space between the two of you.”
Sure, dating can be awkward, perhaps some expectations are lingering in the air, but all you’re truly doing is meeting with another human to see what they’re like and to explore whether there’s some type of chemistry. Lighten up and let go of hoping you look a certain way to your date. They are going to have thoughts about you regardless of what you say or do, so just be yourself!
Tawkify note: This one gets a big stamp of approval from us! Cell phone use was the top pet peeve across 100,000 people polled. Read The Biggest and Baddest Dating “No No” for more.
Love Wisely friends & a big thanks goes out to Amy for sharing these top tips!
Valerie Presley Ackler