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The Most Common Things I Hear as a Matchmaker (and What I’m Not Afraid to Tell You)

1. “I want someone magical.”

We all want to meet someone magical. Someone who triggers dreams of doughy-eyed, fairy tale romance. However, I do believe actively seeking magic blemishes the whole meeting and mating experience. "Seeking magical beings" not only sounds like a shady leprechaun scam on Craigslist, but also is associated with the type of people who will watch a magic trick and spend the entire time trying to predict the performer's every move and thus, miss out on the thrill of discovery...

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matchmakermusings

1. “I want someone magical.”

We all want to meet someone magical. Someone who triggers dreams of doughy-eyed, fairy tale romance. However, I do believe actively seeking magic blemishes the whole meeting and mating experience. “Seeking magical beings” not only sounds like a shady leprechaun scam on Craigslist, but also is associated with the type of people who will watch a magic trick and spend the entire time trying to predict the performer’s every move and thus, miss out on the thrill of discovery.

If you approach every date asking yourself, “Is he/she magical enough?” and assume you can know everything about a person within a short period of time, then you are absolutely NO FUN. Magic is about suspending disbelief, being pleasantly surprised, and embracing the feeling of wonder. Exercising wonder in dating helps you discover the magic in all potential mates–and within yourself.

2. “I don’t want to seem too eager.”

Here’s the key to meeting the love of your life: quit wasting everyone’s time. Each time you wait 2-3 days before you reach out to someone you really like (just because you don’t want to seem desperate), adds 2-3 days more to the overarching time until you’re actually dating the love of your life. Toss out whatever rules you’ve handcuffed to yourself about the appropriate amount of time to contact someone. Waiting 2-3 days to contact someone, is simply doing a disservice to everyone involved. So, stop it.

After a date, if you like someone, let them know and suggest immediate plans on when to see them again. If you don’t like someone, politely let them know and decline any plans to see them again. Don’t think you’re playing nice by saying you’re “busy” when really you’re just not that into them. In fact, you’re just prolonging the period in which that person gets to be with their special someone–and you’re not a heartless monster are you? Alright, go forth. Love waits for no one–jump!

3. “I don’t understand why he/she is single, he/she seems like such a great catch!”

This is one of the most backhanded compliments you can ever bestow upon someone. Lest we forget: ravishing coupled folk were once ravishing singletons. It’s 2015, and our illustriousness shouldn’t be measured solely by our relationship status. Relish the pleasure of getting to know someone’s backstory prior to branding the person as somehow defective–just because they’re single.

Your mission is not to debunk theories on how or why a ravishing singleton hasn’t been scooped up. Rather, focus on the privilege of getting to know this individual. If you’re single and believe, “all the good ones are taken,” then you’re actually labeling yourself as the opposite of good–which is bad (a fine double entendre). Trust me, the good ones aren’t all taken–they just have yet to be matched up.

Your merry matchmaker,
Angie


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