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Dating Instruction Roundup VIII

Relationships aren’t fun. They’re an inherently not-fun thing you do with someone whom you often have fun with. Just as light is both a particle and a wave, lasting love is a choice as much as it is a feeling...

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Volume VIII of the Dating Instruction Roundup is here! What pieces of wisdom will this month bring?

Look to these snapshots for quick, no nonsense tips that get right to the heart of the matter…a dating instruction roundup, if you will. 

Enjoy these short, sage snippets of input and encouragement on us:

Relationships aren’t fun. They’re an inherently not-fun thing you do with someone whom you often have fun with. Just as light is both a particle and a wave, lasting love is a choice as much as it is a feeling.

If you accept that every person will change throughout their lives, then basing your relationship on your partner’s financial status, hobbies, or how much you feel they “complete you” is like stepping onto a train you know is going to slow down, speed up, switch tracks repeatedly and possibly even… crash.

Yet we scour dating sites, complaining about the “selection,” the “quality” of the options presented there,  judging each other and trying on person after person after person wondering where our Mr. or Ms. “Perfect” is already.

But as long as we keep searching for a person, rather than a relationship – we are doomed to repeat this cycle…(3/23/2016, Should You Pursue a Person…or a Relationship?)

If you’re the person who always plans the date – then STOP. Let the other person take the reigns. You can discover a lot about someone by the kind of date they plan, so relinquish control and go for the ride. If you planned the first couple of dates, a solid way to initiate a change of pace would be to say something along these lines…

“Yes, meeting this weekend would be great! I don’t know of anything going on, would you like to take over planning this time around?”

If you have yet to plan a date, then put yourself in the driver’s seat and give it a shot! Taking control expresses confidence and moxie – and who doesn’t love moxie?! (1/17/2016, Dating Tangentials)

I would like to highlight also, there’s a difference between the feeling ‘in love’ and feeling love. There’s love that is steadier and more sustained, beyond the infatuation phase.

I’ve found that my best and healthiest relationships have been those that started with curiosity and attraction, but not a blind infatuation. That kind of chemistry most people look for has always blown up in my face. The ones that started with a more moderate chemistry built into something way more intimate and meaningful and (eventually) HOT, that wasn’t ruled by hormones, but by mutual appreciation, respect, enjoyment, and a commitment to listen to and understand the other. 4/26/2016, Matchmaker Says: What is Love?)

I lived in a cave because at some point I decided it was wrong to be BIG and loud and arrogant and alive. I lived in a cave because I took my cues from the people who were ambivalent about me instead of taking my cues from the people who loved me like crazy. I lived in a cave because I handed out scoring sheets and asked everyone to score me and then I paid special attention to the NOT VERY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS and ignored the people who said, “We love the fuck out of you, five stars, keep up the good work!”

This is what I see in you, Too Many Questions. You have chosen the life of the cave dweller. Stop reading the tea leaves of indifferent male faces and get the fuck on with your life. I know you want love. Love will find you eventually, some time after you stop asking questions and start answering them. Stop asking indifferent strangers about the brilliant sparks emanating from your big head. Indifferent strangers were born to tell you that those sparks are something scary, a house on fire, a burning bush, powers beyond their control, fearsome and loathsome and wrong.

You are the one who decides what you are. You don’t need to poll the population…(3/20/2016, Matchmaker Says: If You’re Feeling Defeated)

See you next month on Volume IX of the dating instruction roundup!

Love wisely, 

Valerie 

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