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Dating Instruction Roundup, Volume III

There is a profound authenticity to meeting someone as you are - as they are - for the first time - especially when you least expect it. In that moment you are discovering another person, figuring out in realtime who they are and - if you're lucky - sensing that mysterious alchemy of burgeoning interest, maybe attraction...

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 Another month has ticked by and we are on to Volume III of the Dating Instruction Roundup!

Look to these snapshots for quick, no nonsense tips that get right to the heart of the matter…a dating instruction roundup, if you will. 

Enjoy these short, sage snippets of input and encouragement on us:

You don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives. Expectations and assumptions aren’t your friends. (7/26/2015, The Great Killer of Relationships)

There is a profound authenticity to meeting someone as you are – as they are – for the first time – especially when you least expect it. In that moment you are discovering another person, figuring out in realtime who they are and – if you’re lucky – sensing that mysterious alchemy of burgeoning interest, maybe attraction. In today’s dating culture, that is a rare phenomenon. This is part of the reason why we plan introductions the way we do–to preserve and respect the simple beauty of one person meeting another person — in the flesh for the first time — sans preconceived judgements and expectations. (8/28/2015, Offline Dating)

Self-love is critical, and you will never hear a stronger advocate for it than me. However, I would also argue that self-love requires allowing yourself to change. When you accept that your partner will change, you recognize this ability and right in them as well. It’s the ultimate sign of respect; it’s the source of unconditional love.

Letting go of your expectations requires vulnerability, which is the true source of bond-building. It also requires patience, forgiveness, and, perhaps, a closer examination of why we love someone in particular, or why we love at all. All of these things lead to a stronger connection with someone. (8/17/2015, Delist Your Love Life)

Whatever the cause and regardless of “fault” in a tough breakup, finding a new someone wonderful can indeed precipitate healing, but only if you can truly be present in the new relationship and leave your excess baggage from the last trip behind. If not, taking a little more time to hurt, process, learn, and regroup might be a smart move, and kinder to yourself in the long run. (8/7/2015, To Date or To Wait)

The point here is that even though great love songs can affirm your experience and expand your universe, some of them are just too big to be drowned out by your life. No individual love story can ruin “Something”- not even the biggest love. The song will ripple out beyond your reach and the way you listen to it will grow as you do. Some things are bigger than you and your relationship. The Beatles, for example, are bigger than your relationship. And that is something to believe in. (6/17/2015, Got To Believe In Something: “Something” by The Beatles/James Brown)

See you next month on Volume 4’s dating instruction roundup!

Love wisely, 

Valerie 
Editor, Heartalytics & Author of the Love Wisely series

Art by Malika Favre

 

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