Tawkify Favorites

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print

Secrets Of A Matchmaker: Secret #10

Remember that each person you meet is another human being with their own networks attached...

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print


Art: Luncheon of the Boating Party, Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Art: Luncheon of the Boating Party, Pierre-Auguste Renoir

If you’re new to Heartalytics — Matchmaker and Somatic Psychologist, Lauren Korshak, kicked off her Secrets of a Matchmaker series at the beginning of December. If you missed Secret #1, catch up here.

Secret #10: The Power of Collaboration and Networking

Network like a pro!

Some potential matches for clients and/or “leads” come from my existing network (matchmaker secret revealed!). Success as a matchmaker requires near constant networking to expand our own personal networks. Through collaboration I also absorb the networks of my fellow matchmakers; and if there’s no match within my pool of singles, I often turn to my colleagues (or, of course, to our fully staffed recruitment team).  

You might be wondering how this applies to your dating life. First, asking people you know to introduce you to potential dates is a great way to leverage your network. Secondly, even though it’s not the goal of dating, the concept of networking can be of secondary benefit.
 

“Remember that each person you meet is another human being with their own networks attached.”
 

Even if there is no chemistry, maybe they will become a friend or business contact. You never know who they know that could be a match for you or who you know that could be a match for them. That being said, there are a few key things to remember about networking as it pertains to dating.

  1. Be real
    (Harkening back to lesson 5–follow your feelings). Good networkers know that networking is about authentic, genuine connection. If you are simply viewing the other person as a means to an end, you will feel it, they will feel it, and it will likely not lead to any substantial connections. Instead, get to know the person on a deeper level – learn about their lives, their hobbies, their desires and beliefs. Maybe you’ll find you share a common interest and have found a new friend in them. Maybe you’ll find you’re very different, but have a friend in mind for them.
     

  2. Treat everyone well
    Energy begets energy, so if the energy you put out there on the date and after the date is authentic, positive, and full of integrity, that energy will come back to you. The person you went out with will remember your positively and won’t walk away from the situation more wounded than before. I am not suggesting that you avoid conflict or honesty for fear of hurting someone.
     

“I am suggesting that you make an effort to connect on a deeper level — to be as truthful as possible and also kind and nonjudgmental (whether you’re romantically interested or not).”
 

My experience in dating and business is that people end up showing up in your life in unexpected ways later on. All the little ways you make an effort to honor the other person’s humanity will be remembered, just as all the little ways you stung or hurt them will also be. So, show up and be your best self.

This weeks love lesson: Call on your friends to collaborate. Ask everyone you know to introduce you to one friend. I’ve even heard of people using their BNI (Business Network International) group to get dates. Be creative, have fun with it. Networking is about creativity and expanding your reach. Most importantly, be genuine.

See you next time on Secrets Of A Matchmaker: Secret #11!

Lauren Korshak
Therapist + Dating Coach + Matchmaker

Popular Posts

5 Ways to Win An Argument In A Relationship

It’s happened– your Springtime in Paris new relationship has hit a significant bump in the road. You’re feeling the urge to say something 180 degrees from “you’re just so perfect and amazing” to your new love interest. Congratulations– this is your first opportunity for a growth power-up!

Quell the impulse to text “We need to talk.” If you’ve already typed it in, with your thumb hovering above “send,” aim for “delete” instead. No one wants to read that; no one wants to be forewarned of impending doom unless they’re watching a movie. You’ll only succeed in spurring the imminent arsenal of defense…

Read More

GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU AM: “Love Again” by Run The Jewels

The other week, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a new father – we’ll call him Cronus – and we were talking about parental instinct. He lowered his voice conspiratorially, considered the infant in his lap and said, “Sometimes I love my baby so much that I want to eat him. Is that normal?” 

Turns out, it’s not just normal–it’s science! Olfactory chemical signals–the smells of newborn babies have been linked to dopamine spikes in the brains of new mothers, essentially triggering the same neurological reward circuit activated when a very hungry person eats, or when a heroin addict shoots up…

Read More

5 Ways to Avoid the Cliff of Contemporary Dating

I have a friend who dates online… a lot. You could say she’s popular. She gets out again and again because she’s fabulous–which is obvious, even through a screen. Yet she arrives each time preloaded with every personal detail about her date–their hometown, full legal name, and family history–often even their annual income and whether or not they rent or own. IT IS RIDICULOUS. The internet is a fantastic tool for writing a thesis, but should it be used to compose a 15-page, pre-introduction memoir on a potential romantic interest’s life story?…

Read More