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To Pursue & Be Pursued

I get it. We all want love, and it's #$%^ing complicated. But, if your pure and genuine efforts to let a man know you’re interested are being lost in translation, this article is for you...

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I get it. We all want love, and it’s #$%^ing complicated. But, if your pure and genuine efforts to let a man know you’re interested are being lost in translation, this article is for you. 

Guys: what do you think about all this? 

Think about the first dates you’ve had. Were you so eager to make a connection that you armed yourself with a bunch of clichéd conversation starters and jumped in whenever there was (even a thought of) silence in effort to keep the ball rolling? If so, you’ve already lost. 

Like it or not, the chase isn’t just something men enjoy. It’s something coded to their DNA. So, here’s how to get a man to pursue you for all the right reasons – without all the games. 


A manual for creating your own Ross & Rachel story. No assembly required.

A manual for creating your own Ross & Rachel story. No assembly required.

BUILD A QUALITY LIFE
 

A high-quality woman, like you, knows real attraction isn’t just physical. She works on herself and builds a life she loves, rather than focusing on how men perceive her. In doing so, she radiates the confidence of a woman who knows any man would be lucky to join her as a partner. When a man finds a woman that pushes her comfort zone and is already living a full life sans a relationship, he’s instantly intrigued. “I’ve never seen one like her before…” he says. “How does she do it?” he’ll ask. And you just tell him “Stay tuned!” – he’ll have to earn the right to find out. 


'L' is for "Love"

‘L’ is for “Love”

TAKE A STEP BACK, LITERALLY

In order for a man to pursue you, you have to create space. In other words, there needs to some actual distance between the two of you. By creating space in conversation and distancing yourself physically, his effort to get closer to you makes him feel as if he’s consciously choosing you. Creating space also creates tension. When there’s tension, a man will feel compelled to come closer and actually feel more comfortable in your presence. Unfortunately, we often remove space in effort to show him we’re interested, and then inadvertently push him away. Next time you’re on a date, resist the urge to take charge – even if it means dealing with a few awkward lulls in the conversation. Let him be pulled to you.
 

MAKE HIM THINK HE’S IN CHARGE

Men’s heart and minds are often dichotomous in dating. They think they want the confident gal, but end up falling for the damsel. Why? Because men are natural problem solvers. Helping is part of their DNA. So, when they meet a woman that seems to have everything together – no problems, flaws, or concerns – they question where they’d fit in. If a man walks away thinking he can’t help you, ce’st la vie, girlfriend. Let him in and share what you’ve been working on, whether it’s a new hobby, interest or project. Men love projects. Also, let him know when he’s shared something that’s new or unknown to you. Let him help you, teach you, and think he’s the Alpha.


…But, don't break your arm to find something for him to do for you. Rarely are men great makeup artists.

…But, don’t break your arm to find something for him to do for you. Rarely are men great makeup artists.

LISTEN TO HIS ACTIONS

Many women chase men who have done absolutely nothing to earn it. Have you ever watched the Bachelor? Hello. Don’t get me wrong. These men are usually attractive, rich, or they just have a killer set of abs. Certainly worthy of a flirt. I understand. But if you want high-quality men to chase you, judge them relative to their actions. Your attraction to him should be directly proportional to his effort towards you – no matter how tall, dark, or handsome he is. 
 

DON’T STOP BEING SINGLE

When you’re single, you can work on yourself without interference. You have time to build your dreams. But most importantly – you can still choose your Mr. Right – the biggest decision you will ever make, period. Men instinctively know women who are hard to get out of single life are women worth chasing. And let’s face it: we don’t know a person in two dates. We barely know them in five. Take time to enjoy dating, getting to know each other, and don’t jump into anything your mother wouldn’t approve of.  


Did Mom approve of that man bun? I think not.

Did Mom approve of that man bun? I think not.

IF YOU ENJOY HIM, TELL HIM

As things progress, the best thing you can do to encourage a man to keep things moving forward is to show him how much you enjoy being together. Be fully present – positive, affectionate, and appreciative of him. When a man feels like he’s making you feel good, he will feel good himself. And it will keep him coming closer and closer.


A couple who plays together, stays together.

A couple who plays together, stays together.

Remember, everything obeys the law that which has true value, requires work. Be that woman, and you’ll never have to play hard to get again.


ross-rachel-kiss.gif

Interested and looking for more? Here’s a sample of other expert’s perspectives on this topic. Read Matchmaker Says: Cat Versus Mouse.

Alyssa Bunn
Professional Matchmaker at Tawkify and Founder of Love & Co

P.S. We’re interested in hearing from you too, gents! How do you like to pursue and be pursued?

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