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When Friends Don’t Let Friends Date

Have you announced to your bestie that you’ve decided to make dating a new priority in your life and were met with a big frowny face...

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Art: Shigeo Fukuda

Art: Shigeo Fukuda

Have you announced to your bestie that you’ve decided to make dating a new priority in your life and were met with a big frowny face?

Our friends are often not as supportive as we would like or we expect them to be when they learn about plans to invest greater time and energy into our love lives. Dating will likely bring about change — so it is not uncommon that our friends might fear the possibility of new romantic relationships. 

This is especially true if said friends are also single. The fear of abandonment or reduced friend time is real and common. All of a sudden you’re off for a first date on a Friday night in leiu of chick-flick evenings or beers with the guys. Your decision to start dating again may also trigger their own sorrow or insecurities about their less-than-dazzling dating lives.

I often encounter these “un-well wishers” through my work as a Matchmaker. Although it’s disappointing and may even feel like your friends are being selfish, being sensitive to their feelings can help preserve, if not strengthen, your friendship.

I have developed a two-pronged approach that will put a stop to any discomfort or potential rifts between you and your BFFs.  

Here’s what to do:

  1. Share your new dating intentions with your friends ahead of time, so they know what to expect and have their own time to process their feelings, ask questions, and get used to the idea.

    This could be as simple as mentioning to your friend(s) that you’ve signed up for a new dating service and will be spending the night filling out your profile. Or that you need to invest in a mini photography session because your new matchmaker suggested updated photos.
     

  2. Include your friends!

    Invite them on shopping trips for new duds…ask them for their opinion on which new “do” to get at the salon/barber shop. 

    Reminding your friends that you value their judgement (since they know you so well) will make them feel like they are part of the process. Letting them know that you treasure the friendship and appreciate their opinion will go far to encourage your besties to support you.

Who knows? You may even inspire your bestie to follow you and make dating his/her priority too.

Double-dating with your bestie and your new beaus? That’s a win-win!

Eat Date Love, 

Brigitte Weil, Matchmaker, Chef + Founder, I Hate Celery Sticks
For more information on Brigitte, click here

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