Tawkify Favorites

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print

Ask Renée: Who Picks Up The Check?

I mentioned before that dating is an investment...and I think we should expand on that. We're talking about the monetary element of this, but dating is also an investment of time, effort--an investment of oneself...

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print


Original Art by Malika Favre 

Original Art by Malika Favre 

Renée is our incognito “Dear Abby,” if you will. Veteran marriage counselor and published author, Renée gets to the heart of it without prevarication. Enjoy this week’s truism on Ask Renée…

Q: “I know this might sound like a ‘dated question’ but I’ve done some Googling and I couldn’t find a direct answer. Maybe you can give me one. When it comes to first dates, should I always expect the man to pay?” — Maria R.

Hi Maria,

First, I’m honored that you came here after going to Google. I thought they had an answer for EVERYTHING! I’m a traditionalist, so if you’re asking me personally I think it’s a nice gesture for the man to cover first dates. 

But let’s remove me from this and look at the question objectively.

Dating is an investment.

You are using that time to get to know a potential life partner. In this sense, a date is somewhat like a business deal — in which you are both investing to see if the partnership is a good mutual fit. From this boiled down perspective, whoever initiated the date should pay. If you ask a client out for lunch to discuss expanding your business relationship — you front the bill. So technically when anyone asks anyone else out (male or female), the asker should offer to pay (and mean it). 

Doesn’t it send a mixed message to make the first move and then not follow through by paying for the date you initiated? 

It seems this rings true in the LGBT community as well. Revelist reports:

Match.com recently released a new study on singles in the LGBTQ community to find out how folks in the community experience the dating world and, after surveying over 1,000 singles 18-70+, learned that 62% of LGBTQ singles believe the person who initiated the date should pay.

I mentioned before that dating is an investment…and I think we should expand on that. We’re talking about the monetary element of this, but dating is also an investment of time, effort — an investment of oneself. When one party picks up the bill (man or woman), they communicate that they value your time — that they value you. 

So, the monetary aspect of dating (I believe) falls on both parties at some point in the dating process.

From a heterosexual female perspective, first dates should be handled by the man. In my opinion, this also applies to dates set up by a matchmaker. But what about down the road? Why not surprise him by planning and paying for the 2nd or 3rd date? By doing this, you are communicating back to your new love interest that you also value his time and effort. Doesn’t it feel nice when someone plans a special date and pays for your evening? I think we should all be taken care of like that throughout the dating experience (male and female). 

Truthfully, 

Renée

Popular Posts

5 Ways to Win An Argument In A Relationship

It’s happened– your Springtime in Paris new relationship has hit a significant bump in the road. You’re feeling the urge to say something 180 degrees from “you’re just so perfect and amazing” to your new love interest. Congratulations– this is your first opportunity for a growth power-up!

Quell the impulse to text “We need to talk.” If you’ve already typed it in, with your thumb hovering above “send,” aim for “delete” instead. No one wants to read that; no one wants to be forewarned of impending doom unless they’re watching a movie. You’ll only succeed in spurring the imminent arsenal of defense…

Read More

GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU AM: “Love Again” by Run The Jewels

The other week, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a new father – we’ll call him Cronus – and we were talking about parental instinct. He lowered his voice conspiratorially, considered the infant in his lap and said, “Sometimes I love my baby so much that I want to eat him. Is that normal?” 

Turns out, it’s not just normal–it’s science! Olfactory chemical signals–the smells of newborn babies have been linked to dopamine spikes in the brains of new mothers, essentially triggering the same neurological reward circuit activated when a very hungry person eats, or when a heroin addict shoots up…

Read More

5 Ways to Avoid the Cliff of Contemporary Dating

I have a friend who dates online… a lot. You could say she’s popular. She gets out again and again because she’s fabulous–which is obvious, even through a screen. Yet she arrives each time preloaded with every personal detail about her date–their hometown, full legal name, and family history–often even their annual income and whether or not they rent or own. IT IS RIDICULOUS. The internet is a fantastic tool for writing a thesis, but should it be used to compose a 15-page, pre-introduction memoir on a potential romantic interest’s life story?…

Read More